I Regained My Steam

For too long, I was in the darkness

Almost couldn’t find a way out

It felt like every exit was closing in on me

Pathways turned into solid brick walls

Forming fortresses around my subconscious

Beating me alive, taking away my drive

Telling me to tell myself that I’m nothing,

never will be worth it

No one supports you, they’re just placing bets

on you to see when you’ll blow or

get sent to prison

Better yet, when his sun will set

Loneliness doesn’t make it any better

Couples smooching the heck out of each

other as if they had tootsie rolls for lips

Meanwhile I’m daydreaming

about being loved again

I get turned away, denied an opportunity to perform

Uncertainty looms, what if I end up jobless

What if I don’t ever sell another book

What if no one ever pays me to do gigs

Still feeling alone, still feeling like this

art endeavor is just a ploy

Ain’t no way in heck I’m

going to take no for an answer

There’s never a shortage of work in my department

I think I needed that slap on the head from the universe

I was beginning to fall off my game,

a brother was slacking a little bit

Complacency had me by the hand,

ready to trip me over the sand

Had to experience some losses just

to regain my steam for the trouble

The night after, I locked

myself in the closet and cried for

more than an hour

Everything just hit me then

My current circumstances

Working a below average-paying job

Still don’t have a license, although I’ll be

getting one in the fall

Debt is looming around the corner,

ready to chuck me like I’m

somebody standing in an elevator

Imagine liking someone for five years and

they’re still not following you back on Instagram

Acting like they’re too scared to surround

themselves with you, my intentions are real

I understand how you feel and what you

been through, but

Just don’t wait until it’s too late to make

your decisions, I don’t want it to come to that

Family fussing and fighting all the

time over trivial things,

who’s better than who

He said, she said

She said, they said

Breaking the generational curse

isn’t for the faint of heart

Your patience and your funds run thinner,

the hunger to become something more than

what you bargained for

Has that passion burning bright within you,

with a flame ferocious enough to turn Newark

into Paradise, California

I have broken free of that melancholy,

set myself astray from the vibrations

As I put this pen to page

Mic stand to stage

Is the sound working properly

Cue the applause, cue the applause

Thank you, it’s such a blessing to

be the featured act of this club tonight

The same club I got turned away at by

a cue ball of a bouncer

Two blocks down from the Prudential Center

It’s a pleasure to be before you, I’m now 21 to enter

Letting me go was your hugest mistake,

I’m way bigger now than I was then

Your bouncer that turned me away?

He chauffeured me here

Now…

Let the show begin!