I'm Gone

You texted me late that night,

You,

on the way to getting drunk

on wine

and vodka,

desperately lonely,

angry at the world,

pure fear in your message:

'You'll never leave me,

right?'

No hesitation,

I replied,

'Yes,

I promise.'

I'm sorry,

   my dear,

but I broke that promise.

Me,

   with the trust issues

   that give me fear

   of each person I meet

Me,

   who never uses the words

   love

   or

   I promise

   lightly

   without complete and total

   conviction

   behind them.

I'm sorry,

   my dear,

that promise was one I couldn't keep.

I'm sorry,

   my dear,

that commitment was one I

regretted.

I'm sorry,

   my dear,

I could not stay.

You were my world.

You were the one I turned to

when trouble arose.

You were the one I went to

when I was alone.

You were the one I searched for

in the crowd.

You stole away my freedom

without me realizing.

But I left.

Something had gone terribly wrong,

I felt it deep in my soul,

though I could not,

would not,

dare not

speak aloud what it was,

think the words,

mention the idea.

You stole away my freedom

and gave me

nothing

in return.

I'm sorry,

   my dear,

I broke my promise.

But I had to think of me

once again.

I had to discover who I am

without you.

I could no longer put

you

ahead of me.

You,

   who rarely asked how I was doing

   and barely listened

      when I replied.

You,

   whose career was first

   over everything,

      even those who loved you.

You,

   who never sacrificed

      like I did.

I'm sorry,

  my dear,

I had to remove

you

from my heart

and move on,

away from the

pain, stress, and fear

and towards

me

once again.