I lied

When my psychiatrist asked me when was the last time I thought I should kill myself,

I lied.

When my psychologist asked me if I had gone through sexual abuse,

I lied.

I lied so many times that I started to believe it myself.

I forgot my pain, my abuse, my loneliness.

I was so happy that I didn’t realize that my demons were eating me from the inside, pushing me back under, facing my reality.

But this time I don’t want to end up dead,

Not for me but for the person who I love more than anything else in this world.

He’s my light in this darkness.

He is always there to catch me when I feel like I’m falling.

He loves me for who I am,

Unlike my abuser that was supposed to be the one

that loved me unconditionally..

He is a master of pretending.

He fools everyone into thinking that he is a some kind of saint,

But in reality he is monster that only cares about himself.

I’m tried of hiding and being scared.

I need to open up my box of demons to heal.

I don’t want to keep going to bed thinking that this is the night that he is going to come back for revenge..

So I’m going to be honest.

I wanted to kill myself yesterday and every day before that,

However no matter how much I want to.. I’m not going going to let my demons win.

And yes, I was sexually abused.

But I won’t let that ruin my life.

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PLEASE NOTE THAT YOU CAN GET HELP IF YOU OR YOUR LOVE ONE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED AND ITS OK. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

https://trccmwar.ca/our-services/24-hour-crisis-line/