I Feel Like I Don't Exist Anymore
New Motherhood
I feel like I don't exist anymore.
This realization comes to me in a quiet darkened room when I should be sleeping, not thinking.
I miss the man that will come lay next to me. I miss him even though he is only feet away, right next to me.
I miss the baby that is crying for me, even as I desperately hope that he goes back to sleep so I don't have to get out of bed.
I miss myself.
In the shadows of the room, I see relics of my life. I see things I used to touch, use, that would bring me joy. They are dusty now because the person that used them is gone.
I had hopes and dreams and desired to do things, anything. Now, I am gone and am only him.
The best, most magical love. The most all consuming love. I am whatever he needs, not myself.
I lay down and whisper that I love him. And I pray pray pray to the gods and stars that he sleeps, that I sleep, and that I have it in me to find myself again one day.
About the Creator
Diana
I fancy myself a writer.
Comments (7)
I also feel i don’t exist, but it’s because I suppress myself. good job to us taking the steps to not suppressing ourselves, actually. 🥹
Ah, you are there, still. Just changed. Into the Queen Bee. Metaphorsed into a beautiful new you.
I have been a new father, but I know it's a completely different experience for a new mother. This was sad, yet, honest, and with hope. It's a confusing time, isn't it? As far as I can tell, anyway, because the you you were before children is forever changed and replaced by a new you that feels alien in some ways, yet that's the way it should be. Hope you find a way to reconnect with the old you and merge that with the new you. Sorry for the overly long comment. Loved your introspective poem and sure a lot of people will find it relatable. Congrats on Top Story. You have a new subscriber.
Dazzling job! Keep up the outstanding work—congrats!
I can imagine these thoughts and feelings being a part of new motherhood. Very emotive and poignant! Well done and congratulations!
Being a new mom is so hard in so many ways. You encapsulated it beautifully here. May I offer this…not only will you find yourself again, you yourself will be birthed anew into a version of you that you never knew was possible. For a short blip of time taking care of a baby is all consuming and you and your baby are not separate, you are one. But slowly and oh so quickly, that changes. I’m here if you need to chat. I remember it like it was yesterday. Mine are 10 and 3. Best advice I got as a new mom: make sure you do little things to fill your own cup—you cannot serve from an empty vessel. Sending love! 💫💞
This was so poignant and emotional. Hope you're okay. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️