i deserve to grow

you know the clearance plant section?

where the dying green goes

the wilted, the rotted, the barely hanging on

i find myself in front of it every time i go to the store

an urge, a need, to save them

their energy

this wounded, fading pulse of a thing

it reaches out and wraps itself around the cords of my heart

and like a telegram, i feel the vibration of their plea against the very viscera of me

i cannot refuse them

i buy no less than five every single time

and it haunts me when i cannot take them all

when i’m forced to leave a few

it’s tangible when i have to leave many

a cruel and unforgiving twist of chordae and muscle

and i’ve started to wonder

why i feel more pain for roots and stems and leaves

than i do for my own soul’s internal bleeding

am i not also root and stem and leaf?

do i not require water, food, and sunlight?

understanding, kindness, and love?

i am more earth than bone and blood

perhaps if i think myself more tree than human

i’ll finally forgive who i was and what i did to survive

i’ll finally allow myself rest

gentleness, patience, flow

yes, i am root and stem and leaf

i deserve to grow