I Can't Tell You I Love You

I think in quantums, bounds, and leaps

Linking my past to a future I cannot reach

I dissect your dialect, using intellect

Not from book-bound knowledge but street smarts

My lacking response meets codependency

Lips sealed tight, fear of what might be

A throwback to professions alluding to a broken heart

Brokenness- my thought process

Commotion, emotion's camaraderie

Lingers in the present, and I resent it

Return to sender-

And I realize you didn't send it

Rendering bygone days mute ought to be my pursuit

But a divvy remains privy like a primitive timeline conduit

An unspoken "I Love You"

Simple words that speak so much

Trapped in a space I cannot quite access

Infinite finite, and the inklings of too little, too late

A not YOU problem, but one I must address

But, right now, I cannot verbalize how I feel

Silence falls far short of reciprocating

Inundating, my overwhelming fears

Yes, it's gone on for years

Tears, inward ones, cry for my inadequacies

My constant queries

To old occurrences and an uncertain future

Torture

I torture myself for not allowing "I Love You"

To fall from my lips like cascading leaves

Leave me, you will, or so I fear

As everyone else has before you

You, I adore you, this much is true

I just cannot tell you

Because my mind thinks in quantums

Linking my past to a future I cannot reach

***