I Am Insecure About My Life's Work

i am insecure about my life’s work

i look at what i’ve crafted, in my eyes

i don’t think it’s sufficient enough for me to put out

i don’t have enough sophisticated language,

oh my god i cussed too much here,

i wrote about too much violence

i spoke too much truth, you know draculas

don’t like it whenever i do that

did i overuse a certain phrase?

what did my poetry coach tell me about using commonplace phrases

hold up, give me a second

i need to look at that again

certain things i’ve written from way back when

that i don’t like opening up because it makes me cringe,

to myself i’m thinking why did i write that in the first place

i feel like every poem dat’ i’ve penned is terrible,

people want me to spoil the plots of my books like

some milk that sat in the refrigerator

maybe i should tell them what

happens because once they buy my book,

they’re just going to shelve it after turning the first page

i am insecure about my life’s work

i don’t think it’s fame that i actually want,

sitting under this microscope that the public eye stares into petrifies me

never having privacy, can’t go into a bodega or a Walmart because you’re acclaimed

intruders justify their intrusions

because you’re acclaimed people try to come

at you however way they want, thinking that

there are no consequences because you’re acclaimed

your financial life is newsworthy, Khali

your romantic life is newsworthy, Khali

your follower count is newsworthy, Khali

your feelings of wretchedness are newsworthy, Khali

heh, i bet IT IS

why can’t we talk about it in our next article

how about you piss off first

that’s none of your business,

don’t say shit about me fool

now write about that

i’m just a man who enjoys telling stories,

i don’t like being pedestaled by people so don’t do that please

i am insecure about my life’s work

i have autism, but that doesn’t mean i like talking about it

i struggle with depression, but that doesn’t mean i like talking about it

i was brought up in a shambled household,

but does that mean i like talking about it

no, to be honest

too many treacherous memories to begin with,

i ain’t going back to that

no way, no how

sorry