Howling in the Liminality

Howling…

At the full moon.

It wasn’t a wolf

It was my mother.

Or her spirit

Crossing through the veil

Thinner during the full moon

Especially in autumn.

Halloween

Samhain

Darkness

Shorter days and longer nights.

She had a message for me

But I don’t speak wolf.

Not in the traditional sense.

It was filled with emotion

Passion

Sorrow

Melancholy

Hopeful but cautious.

Its meaning

Dancing in the liminal space

Accessible yet just beyond my reach.

I tried so hard to understand

To connect

To be spend a moment with her once more.

Suddenly

Like a cymbal crashing in my brain…

“RELAX”

Deep breath

There she was

And I understood.

Release the past

Forgive myself

Learn from my mistakes

Take a risk

Follow my passion

Trust the path

She had criticized me incessantly

Throughout my life.

Proud of me

But at the same time…

Disappointed

Disgusted.

To her I was both

Successful

A failure

Irreconcilable perspectives.

Ph.D.

Single mother

Successful, happy, well-adjusted child

Independent and self-sufficient

Unbreakable mother-son bond.

She did everything for her children.

I left home at seventeen.

My brother left home at 28…

When my mother sold her house

And moved out-of-state

To be close to my son and me

The world came to an end

For six months

Because he didn’t know how to stand on his own two feet.

Because she never made him.

Because she did everything for him.

She criticized me for not doing the same for my son.

He could think for himself

Take care of himself

Make his own decisions.

“He left without taking his coat!”

“So?”

“What if he gets cold?”

“Then next time, he’ll know to take his coat with him.”

“I did everything for my kids!”

“And that’s why Eric never learned to take care of himself.

That’s why the world came to an end when you left Colorado.

That’s why he can’t pay his bills, keep a job, or keep a roof over his head.”

“You’re so mean!”

But this night

Under the full moon

She told me to follow my own path

Not hers.

She apologized for criticizing me

For belittling me

For not trusting me to be who and how I am

Flaws and all.

She was filled with emotion

Passion

Sorrow

Melancholy

Hopeful but cautious.

She wanted me to know.

I am enough.

Just the way I am.

The full moon…

Physical

Emotional

Receptivity

An invitation to awareness of oneself

An invitation to commune with the spirit world

Ascended Masters

Spirit Guides

Ancestors

An opportunity to embrace gratitude

Celebrate blessings

Sit in the fullness of life.

The wolf hasn’t returned.

But the full moon offers me

Magick

Healing

Guidance

A return to self.

An opportunity to slow down

Dive Deep

Shadow work

Howl

Release what no longer serves.

Dance in the liminality

Naked

Under the full moon.