honey bee

your escape to california mid summer '2017

when you said you'd find the black roses just for me

and i couldnt wait to see

you used to be a honeybee

you sold me a dream

and i bought it

simple imagery

i still see your face in thoughts interrupted by static

its quite alright to hate me

i regret being so erratic

forced you to see things no one should ever see

as did you, the memories

we were both so young

both in survival mode

as i write this im listening to deftones

just two artists

walking through flames

two escapists

there was a time i grew to hate all the polaroid's we'd take

now they reside in a heart shaped box

i still feel like you're the closest i ever got

the inexhaustible feeling of wandering around lost -

was gone

took you like a drug

your flavor never left my tongue

its still the best i ever had

something so spiritual about the act

i still wonder if you mutter my name in your sleep

or wake yourself up laughing from something funny

i still wonder if you draw your nightmares

i still wonder if you grew out your hair

youre still so important to me, to who i was

im so sorry i drove to your house every night i got too drunk

in the moment

you were the only boy i wasnt really sure i loved

now i know that i did

all those nights in your room

all those silences screaming our incurable gloom

riding passenger seat listening to tool

two escapists

trying desperately to meet

by any means necessary

but you have been so mean

so vengeful

i get it

i was a mess

no direction

im sorry i put you through it

i understand you because i am the same exact way

we were just too alike to see eye to eye

i wish we could've got it right

i felt so safe in your presence

and you took that all away because of spite

but maybe that's why i unraveled so often

you dug into parts of my soul i was trained to just live with

why do i feel like when it all came to an end

i went blind again

i spent so much time memorizing all the details of your beautiful face

the way your eyes softened when we pull back from an embrace

i hope you know you are beautiful

and the tattoo

its still true

and i know it doesnt matter to you

-g.m.t.