Hide & Seek

Here I go

feeling like

I’m holding back

again

*

Feeling like

if I told you

how much you still mean to me

you’d put me back on

your broken shelf

*

I don’t give a fuck about my pride

but it hurts to be disregarded

by a person who said they cared

*

Feeling like

as comfortable as

I have always been with you

I have to hide what I truly feel

*

Because hide and seek

is your favorite game

but you don’t want to be found

*

I'm only speaking from my experience

because the person I see that you are

is the person I once was

*

You want to stay

in the safe zone

by the tree

Rather than be caught

by someone that is real

*

It’s safer to stay in the shadows

and never acknowledge

what you truly feel

*

It’s safer to stay stoic

instead of be vulnerable

*

Because love is a dangerous game

when there’s no rules

to how, who, why

when it comes

where it goes

*

And you’ve been hurt all before

Risking it again seems more scary

than cutting your loss

*

Now

I wish I could say the same

but I’m breaking at my seams

I’m fighting all the feelings

because there was no reciprocity

*

I’m sick of keeping the feelings corked

that are welling up inside of me

Blocking the flow

of my chakras energy

*

In the past

fighting my emotions

has only left my body aching

*

The emotion lost its motion

making my back go stiff

*

Why did I ever care

for someone

who acts so cold and distant?

*

Sometimes I’d like to have you back

even only as a friend

but I feel I have to hold back

because you seem to fear

unconditional love

more than death

of a dear friend

*

Your silence is deafening

Feeling like you don’t care I exist

*

I wish I didn’t care so much

so I didn’t have to pretend

that I’m not holding back

because the truth is that I am