Hey Bartender...

"Hey Bartender, I need another... Charge it to that jilted lover."

"That laze?" With an eyebrow raise.

"No! . . . . You and I connected eyes from across the bar quite a while ago. It was an instantaneous banter-filled spontaneous love that filled a void I could not further avoid. It was either accept your affection or find myself in a dead situation. Mental stability is a rocky frail arduous trail not always worth the hike alone. So please respect the position you’re in and leave me out of undone sin. However, I do know who did sleep with that lazy kid."

"I’m glad you didn’t sit on his face. So then what's his drama, place that face."

"You're a gossip whore."

“Isn’t that in the bartender's code, to travel with the lonely down their lonely road?”

“I suppose. Always the fairy tale, never the fact though.”

“Yeah but I know a thing or two or three but I sense we’ve moved from him to you, so what are you really telling me?”

“Well, I know love can’t be made in the dark shallow damp shade. That satin sheets and played-out phrases, slow tempo beats, and dark fantasy mazes can’t hold a candle to the whole picture of beauty only the sun can handle. But why is it always the stark contrasting way, instead of a mitigating grey.”

“Grey is dull. Creates a lull. You know, love can be found in more places than just the brightest open spaces. But based on your mood I’ll assume you’re all the rage over the darkest cases.”

“Aren’t all of the cases that pass by your ears coming from haunted skeletons and unrealized fears.”

“Many do have skeletons in their closet and fears they’re trying to offset. Within those fears, they do foolheartedly protest I should know, have, and hold their dead skeletons from them supportively. It actually makes my mind chafe with how much stock they put in thinking I’m safe.”

“So quit this.”

“And do what? Chase bliss.”

“Nothing where you become Van Gough. But maybe less depression you know.”

“Hilarious you are, the best by far. Cause you only bend it, right, never really wanting all of it, for your whole life?”

“What can I say, we all need therapy, some more than me. It’s a shame you don’t get tipped your worth. If you did, I’d think, you’d be rather wealthy.”

“Well if you’d whore it more you’d be therapy for those some, lightening my workload, making what my ears would hear more fun.”

“Hilariously impressive... I would become your source of amusement to our detriment. How pimp-ish of you. Besides our jilted lover is a closeted kind, and is promised to another. That’s a double banger. Those are complicated game-changers that run the risk of rafter hangers. Too much in the bible trust, not enough reliable trust. Therefore that’s all you Boo.”

“Gee, you are so kind. Well, it’s about that time.”

“Yep, I’ll be outside waiting so you can walk me to my stoop.”

“And so continues the daily loop.”

“Hey bartender, I need another and charge it to that inexperienced lover.”

“Robbing the cradle now? Didn’t think you’d be the type to know how.”

“What are you doing? Are you jealous of the young'in?”

"No! I'm laughing. What are you doing?"

“In life or right now… completely different answers, completely different how.”

“Here before the sun goes down.”

“Killing myself slowly to avoid purgatory. The wine and liquor will do it, not me, don’t worry.”

“What’s the difference between killing yourself slowly and offing yourself quickly? Cause your sickly explanation seems to be unbeknownst to me.”

“Purgatory dear, purgatory. Keep up. You’re not so quick with the retention. Good thing you're easy on the eyes, cause that’s your lucky charm. Hovering in between is not my intention.”

Eyebrow raise. “Interesting. You know, you’re headed there regardless. Your heart and mind are troubled and your soul is a mess.”

“Oh my God, your right. I’ve been seeing this all in the wrong light. I’m not a sad love song. I’m a trainwreck of pathetic gloomy gore. I’ve been headed full speed for the wall for too long. I should just be done now, what am I prolonging it for?”

“Wait, what? That’s not what I meant. You’re talking absurdity. Come on now, these thoughts need to vanish. See… maturity.”

“I’m laughing so hard wine just shot out my nose. That was a feat many couldn’t complete. I haven’t laughed that hard in years. Now be a dear and toss me a towel so I can wipe away the smile I shouldn’t allow.”

“You really are a bore of a whore. A tease that won’t please. What am I going to do with you? You’re too broken for me to fix. How can you not allow my quick sweet lip trick when the results cracked your cowl?”

“You’re on a roll tonight. Wait, I know what it is, you slept with the ‘slutty lover’. I knew something was different when I walked in.”

“Yeah something was different when you walked in… the sun was still shining dear Jaquelyn. So your extra double whiskey shots and Long Island’s might… be making the difference tonight.”

“Yeah, that might make sense. Guess it doesn’t really matter though cause this is all an imaginary show. I made you up and you suit my needs. This is all just stemming from my lack and greed.”

“I’m not fake, I’m Jason. Pleased to meet ya. I see your cowls back on so others don’t figure out there’s more to you than black and red and a desire to be dead.”

“Interesting observation.”

“Professional opinion, trying to be nice, because I can’t clear the bar to catch you when you can’t handle conventional advice.”

“Note taken. Can you get me some bacon?”

“No... but I’ll give you the pretzel bag.”

“And so continues the nightly stoop loop gag.”

“Hey bartender, I need another and charge it to all 17 of these mixed-up lovers.”

“Really working for the crowd tonight, aren’t ya Jackie.”

“Whatever do you mean Mr. Bar Lackey? You don’t seem all that fun tonight.”

“Because you’ve been avoiding me, right? It’s been over a week since you’ve needed... I mean I’ve seen you.”

“Wow, your ego, it’s outta sight.”

“Jackie, do you even remember when we first met?”

“Let’s see… On my mark… Get set…” Incredibly without one misstep, she regurgitated their first conversation no fret, then takes a long drink of her Long Island and meets his surprised eyes.

“Well, I wasn’t prepared for that. I need a minute, I’ll be right back.”

“I bet... But just FYI I also remember the conversations we had after you picked me up behind the Amusement Palace, and the convenience store, my dealer's house, that awful warehouse, and the wedding I crashed and dashed. Those I remember really clear, but I know there were more. However, since the “more” were blackouts, you should know, they’re why I sit on this bar stool. I’m taking life… a little more slow. You were my getaway ride and now I’m saving you gas cause I’m not an asshole. But last week I didn’t call, thought we needed a break is all.” Facedown, straw between her lips, she lifted only her eyes to watch him walk away, not a word he had to say. Sipping, thinking, it’s like people don’t know what PTSD is, ignorance still lives.

That night Jason sat at home staring at her stoop.

She, having walked across the street alone, breaking their loop.

“Hey Bartender, can I get another and charge it to that decrepit lover.”

“You threw that old dog a bone? What was your price he had to cover to take you home?”

“Oh, how you jest. Better than all the rest. But just for conversation's sake I’ll go on… he doesn’t have enough money to buy me, Jason.”

“Wow, thinking quite big of yourself this evening. You must of had a good day. Or the liquors intervening quicker this evening...”

“I’ve had worse, but I’ve also had better. You ever been married?”

“Well, that’s a loaded question. Why, are you asking? Cause if so… it takes this into a whole new direction.”

“You wish I was asking. No, just wondering.”

“Married, no. Carried, yes.”

“How thoughtful of you. Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free. Then let her do the work. That’s something to confess. I’m impressed.”

“I’d say it wasn’t like that but alas it was exactly like that. I always managed to find the ones who would always offer me this or offer me that. I never said no. It became my thing, till I had to let it go.”

“You actually decided, on your own, to grow up. To give all they gave you up.”

“I was shocked too. But what can you do? When it’s over it’s over. I moved on. Time keeps ticking and all too quickly it’s all gone. Figured I’d let them help some other poor whelp. I decided it was time to hop over this bar. How about you, anyone made an honest woman out of you?”

“Yeah… war vet, PTSD, o.d’ed, and now he’s dead.” Nonchalantly said.

“Well, that explains a lot of questions I had about you inside my head. I’m sorry. So… now what?”

“Does there have to be a now what? I told you don’t fall in love with me.”

“Why, are you leaving me already? Wife usually means you run by a code of loyalty.”

“My views on life have not changed, they’re still deranged. I still want no pity, no help or advice. I’m still killing me softly and slowly. Maybe Russian Roulette, final price.”

“I’m not a betting man but I feel confident in saying you will die eventually as does everybody. You know you’re not like him. He was a veteran of war Jackie. While I don’t condone him giving up on you. He killed people for our safety, and he couldn’t stop the auto replay. He knew he had you but he couldn’t see you. You know you have me and you can see me.”

“It has nothing to do with wanting or even loving you. It has everything to do with losing you. I lost my parents, my sister, then my husband. It seems I’m destined to be alone, that’s the law of the land. Jackie has no home.”

“Ok. So say that’s true, is killing yourself slowly really what you wanna do?”

“Yeah. It gives the illusion of control in a world where none exists, a focal point, a destination, a broken structure to resist.”

“Ok. Well, how about until then. Will you let me keep stripping ya down naked… letting me catch you when you fall, help you when you’re weak, and stand beside you through it all. Will you let me see the positive inside of you even when you don’t so that maybe I can inspire you when everything else won’t? Will you continue to give me your thoughts so I can straighten them out? Possibly let me in your heart so I can squelch all your doubts. Still give me your ears to speak sweetly to and your eyes to surprise. Will you, in the meantime, of course, let me give you all the stuff that money can’t buy. My loyalty, endless possibilities, my strength, my skills, my abilities. I know I’m not Dean and I didn’t fight the great fight. But if you’ll let me, for you, I’ll always do what’s right."

“You have a book on poetry don't ya?”

“Na, that’s what my buddy vowed to his wife on their wedding night. I mean I added the ending. You know cause I am your getaway ride.”

“Nice. A stolen gesture you confide. Ok, until then you can be my getaway ride. You know I am your downfall.”

“Damn, that makes me your pick-me-up.”