Helpless

Someone asked what makes me feel helpless.

I guess it was when I realized that my words, thoughts, and beliefs may cause me to lose people that I love from my life.

So I went silent.

Sometimes people say things about certain beliefs that others have and I feel horrible because I share those beliefs that they are belittling. Then the people say that if you don't like what I think, then get over It. And I feel pissed because how could you not care about someone else being hurt by your judgment of them.

But, I say nothing.

I don't want to make them feel the way they just made me feel.

I get over it quickly because there is so much more that people have in common than different.

I connect on that level.

There is so much more beauty in a person than that one thing that they probably don't even realize hurt my feelings. And I think they would care otherwise, why are they here?

In my life? On my page?

I've lost so many good and wonderful people in my life. I'm not looking to lose anymore.

But I do feel helpless.

Right now there is so much going on and it scares me.

Not just the things that are happening but the way we are all responding to it.

And I say nothing. My words can't heal anything.

Everyone used to call me Pollyanna. I wish that I was. Then I could believe that we will all get through this intact.

Now I am a person who knows that people are people.

Some are bad.

But some are just scared.

Or feeling defensive.

Or confused.

Or passionate about something that they believe in.

Or feeling judged themselves.

This is why they strike out at others.

This post is still weak because I am still not saying what I think about the chaos of this world.

Instead, I spoke about my feelings, which I guess is a pretty brave thing to do at a time when having feelings makes you weak.

So I guess that I have taken a step towards feeling less helpless.

Thanks for reading. :))

Signed,

Still helpless but not as confused...