Hello there, Mister Alien!

Well, hello there, Mister Alien! Won't you take a seat?

I'd like to introduce myself before we start this meet.

I'm grateful for the tech you brought so we can share our views;

What's that? You know a lot of us by watching TV news?

Oh dear. That's not the starting point I wanted for this chat;

You see, the news is skewed a lot and shows what's mostly bad.

I'm sorry that we kept you for so long before we met.

There is a protocol to follow in which we have to vet

Everyone who comes to Earth who wants to meet the Chief.

The fact you haven't killed us yet is really a relief!

I hope you found your quarters were comfortable and clean?

It's just a small precaution, not created to demean.

I didn't think they had TVs in the rooms we had you placed?

It's been a long time, I must admit, since I have seen that space.

We don't have a lot of aliens come to visit our small orb.

It's something that we are trying desperately to absorb:

The idea that there's other life forms sharing outer space.

It makes us fear that they might come and try and take our place!

But you've passed with flying colours so now we get to talk!

I can't wait to hear about the life you live on planet Zork.

It's not a planet that I know, or the galaxy it's in.

But tell me all about it with this lovely bit of gin.

Yes, alcohol, you are correct. You've seen that on the news?

Well, yes, some people do act strangely when they're filled with booze

But not all of them cause riots or fall down in the street.

Some of us just have it when we have a bite to eat.

What do we eat? Well, the answer varies depending on your view.

Other life forms? Yes, we have been known to kill a few.

But for sustenance only, you understand, for diet and for fuel.

For sport? There've been some incidents of humans being cruel

And killing other species, but this is very rare.

Personally, most of us are very socially aware.

I assure you as you sit here that most of us would not

Think of harming other creatures. Really, not a jot.

You've seen the footage of the wars on TV just tonight?

Yes, there are some places in our world where people like to fight.

As a pastime? No, it's not like that. It's all about the struggle

For people to protect their own. I know it is a muddle.

We all live in the same world? Yes, of that we are aware

And yet, it seems that most of us find it difficult to share.

What's money? Don't you have to pay for things where you come from?

It seems to be a driving force behind things going wrong?

Well, yes, you have a point there. I can see why you think that.

Money is important to the arrogant fat cat.

Oh dear. It seems we haven't given you the best impression

Of what this planet's all about, which really is depressing.

You see, there's lots of good stuff here as well as all the bad.

The kindness, and the nurturing, the patting on the back

For encouragement, and community - assisting our success.

Not all the world is floundering like one big stinking mess.

I could show you people laughing loud and smiling at each other,

Caring, sharing, helping out, acting just like brothers.

There's lots of creativity from our planet's human race -

Books and art and music - things that lift your heart away,

Up into different stratospheres - I'm sure you can relate.

You don't have these where you come from? You don't? I'm sorry. Wait.

No making, crafting, building things - it's all been simulated?

So for fun? You must have times when you want your senses sated

With something other than everyday, repetitive, mundane?

You don't have fun where you come from. Everything's the same.

It's why you don't have wars, you say and harmony exists

Between you all - you're standardised, like numbers in a list.

Well, there's something to be said for that, the fact that you have peace.

But part of this world's charm, I think, is we are all separate beasts.

I'd love the peace, I really would; of knowing that there's calm

With people living equally, their existence like a balm...

But at what cost? The differences you've seen may not be best

The news, that transmits out to all, our darkness manifest

Should not have been the place for you to get your first contact;

I wish that this is something I was able to retract.

Because this world is troubled, yes, but wonderfully diverse,

Full of love and life and warmth - I wish you could immerse

Yourself in life on Earth - see how good that it can be!

Experience it as man and not an interplanetary.

You're pleased you came? You can see that Zork is so much better?

Standardising all life forms, everything to the letter

Means that nothing can cause upset, discord or real strife:

Uniformity is key, the secret to long life.

I'm glad we had this meeting because I've learnt a lot,

And I hope that you have too, about the things that you've not got.

What's that? You find us interesting and will watch us from afar.

Your mission was to find out more - report to your Kuumbarr.

And who is that? Your leader? No, because you're all the same.

You're going back to tell them that there's nothing here to gain;

That the planet is in trouble, and the future is quite bleak.

That its people are rapacious - it's completely past its peak.

To you, Earth is an oozing sore upon the universe,

You couldn't see how things for us could really get much worse.

You won't destroy it even though you think it might be best

Because you see we're making that all happen for ourselves.

Once we self destruct, you'll come from Zork and claim the space

And build a simulated planet geared for your own race.

I see. You think we have no hope. That Earth is set for doom.

I was hoping that our conversation would not end in gloom.

I get your point but don't believe that what you say is true.

I'm proud of this small planet, this little piece of blue.

Things may be tricky here right now but I believe all will be well:

The human spirit's something that's so difficult to quell.

I'd like to think that when you leave, you consider Earth your friend

And won't be plotting from afar our very sticky end.

No guarantees? I see. Well then, I really must insist

That you never leave this room - no, please do not resist:

The guards have your wellbeing at the forefront of their minds

As long as you're compliant, then I think that you will find

That we will treat you with respect; no harm will come to you.

You'll be comfortable and given things that may keep you amused

But if you make it difficult, well, you've seen what we can do

From your first exposure to our nightly TV news.

Goodbye, Mister Alien. I really do regret

The way first contact went for us but my duty's to protect.

.