Gwendolyn’s Eyes

I look around this world with my fresh, brown baby eyes.

I blink and here I am!

I am here,

I am alive!

I look at my beautiful new mommy in her beautiful brown eyes and ask,

Who am I?

And how long will I last?

Mommy just smiles at me with love,

And I knew great peace.

I guess back then,

Her love was enough for me.

Babe grew to girl.

Now I can see this world.

Now I see I’m brown…

But they call me black girl.

Now I see my sadness when they laugh at me,

And chase me while holding their eyes…

they call me “chink”.

I ask my mommy

What does that mean?

Why do my classmates call me Chinese?

She closes her eyes

And sighs reluctantly;

Tells me we’re African

And Cherokee.

“Well what does it mean to be Cherokee?

I don’t understand what any of that means”

She says “Don’t ask me,

I didn’t meet my dad till I was 15.

So I guess it really means nothing to me.”

Girl grew to teen

As I changed,

Everything became obscene

Everything I saw,

To my core offended me.

Now I can see

I can see the misogyny

All around me like the air I breathe.

As my body changed,

I grew a wider frame,

And for the first time;

Everyone wanted to know my name.

I was happy for the attention,

But it didn’t last.

After the first boy slapped my ass…

In front of the whole class.

And everyone just laughed.

I went to church,

It was a hot summer day.

I loved to sing and dance,

And praise the pain away.

But the Pastor said I couldn’t attend,

Said my outfit was showing too much skin,

Said it would tempt the men,

And I needed to repent for my sin.

Teen went to college

And I had a lot on my plate

But I couldn’t fail,

There was a lot at stake.

I chose to major in theater,

To find my voice.

And of course my family hated it,

But it why MY choice.

And even though I never got the lead,

Neither did any other girl that looked like me.

But I still worked hard,

And I was proud of me.

But unfortunately,

I couldn’t afford to stay

Without my family supporting me.

I dropped out to work full time,

Working 50 hours and saving every dime.

With money, I was finally free to live my life.

And for the first time, I really felt alive.

Then I got pregnant

And everything changed.

I was always sick and in pain.

Friends acted like they didn’t even know my name.

All family wanted to do was ridicule and blame.

Meanwhile, baby daddy was playing me like his video game.

I lost everything

And I was so ashamed.

I gave my daughter my last name,

She filled my heart,

So I did the same.

I showered her with all my attention and love,

and I watched her blossom

into a little rosebud.

Now I can see

Her beautiful brown eyes,

Shaped just like mine.

I feel her beautiful brown skin,

as she hugs me tight.

I see the whole world in her eyes,

Feels like everything was worth it

to see her eyes.

I hope she’ll always know how much she is loved.

And I pray to God,

that will be enough.