Grateful for the Sunrise

In the beginning

of my adventure in life

I was healthy and stronger

Many things happened over the years,

Had a baby, got pregnant again, got married

Doing the right thing for them

Got divorced (marrying the wrong person is NOT the right thing)

For them or me

Raised them for six years with the help of my mom and brother

Met my hubby, remarried, had a new baby (in the right order this time)

Lost the baby

Heart broken

Tried again

Had an adventure from start to finish with my angel baby

Had gestational diabetes (because I was pregnant and have kidney disease)

It went away after he was born

Time went by

When he was about 5 or 6 I got actual diabetes

And the adventure continued

My kidneys failed, I had a stroke, I started dialysis

These were life-changing things and I have had a time adjusting

Then I had a year from hell...well Ive actually had many of those in varying degrees

I was getting ready to have a buried catheter put in for dialysis

Then just wait until I needed it

In the process of tests pre-catheter in 2013 I had a stroke

So I took time to heal and come back to myself and then

More tests and process and actually had a buried catheter put in...FINALLY!

I started Peritoneal Dialysis in 2014

it worked for awhile

but I was always tired and didnt always feel well

but I plugged away at it day by day

It took time to get used to the machine

I used a night time cycler, which filled and emptied three times a night

while I slept

So I kept on keeping on, going to clinics, making small changes

And then...

The Year From Hell

Just before Christmas in 2017 I got very sick

I ended up in hospital, then transfered to hospital that manages dialysis

sick, tube in my nose, emergency surgery

all corrected and then...

I started hemo dialysis instead

At this time I went back and forth because I wanted to do PD

But PD didnt really work for me so...

Hemo it is

The Year From Hell Began...

I had a chest catheter inserted for access of dialysis in Dec. of 2017

A line change (another chest catheter) in Jan. of 2018

Yet another line change in April

Then had a graft installed in my arm in May which took a WHOLE month to heal

It was swelled up twice the size it should be...

By June I could start hemodialysis three times a week

And I did

So I survived the Year From Hell and it is AMAZING that I did

It was a one thing after another kind of year and every day stress

I had a hard time remembering to breath!

But...

The hemodialysis is an improvement and I feel much better, more energy

Learning to live with 3 trips to dialysis a week

Ive had to adjust to this new life

and I dont have a LOT of time

but I have figured out how to cherish the time I DO have

Mostly I do

I dont think about it, dont stress about it

Just breath

Just live

One day at a time

One of the beautiful things about dialysis is

That I get to see some beautiful sunrises when Im in the car on the way

Some yellow, some tinges of orange, some purples, blues and pinks

All of them a light in my heart

And I am GRATEFUL to be alive.