Grandad Was Crumpet Mad

Grandad Was Crumpet Mad

Grandad, he was crumpet mad

and I don’t mean the ones you cook

he was a naughty lad

Granny took it in her stride

He’d sit out front with cap askew

and nod at every girl

called them love or something worse

and gave his brows a twirl

He once got caught in Co-op queue

just staring at a bum

Granny said, “Don’t mind him, dear,

his eyes have come undone”

He winked at nurses, chased the cat,

and flirted with the post

but every night at half-past five

it’s Granny he loved most

She never minded all his ways

not once did she complain

said, “Better have a cheeky man

than one who’s cold or plain”

They bickered through the Price is Right

she’d scold and he’d pretend

but when he held her hand at night

they smiled, just like old friends

At bedtime when he’s brushed and fed

and done with all his whirl

he turns to her and says it soft,

“You know you’re my only girl”

And Granny snorts behind her book,

“You always were a pest”

but pats the space beside her side

and lets him steal her rest