Goodbye My Dear Friend

I miss you

If only missing you could replace

This feeling of loss running deep within my veins

With an eternity of lifetimes with you

I'd never waste a day in grievance of what is missing

I'd never again spend so long as a week in your absence

But missing you won't bring you back

...

How is it that you can just be gone?

How is it that I'll never see you again?

How is it that the next time we meet, it'll be your ashes in my palms?

Slipping away between the cracks in my fingers

Crocodile tears lining my trembling hands

I thought we had more time

Delusional I was to believe the years in your life were infinite

Now all I have for those years you graced

Are memories existing in the deepest corners of my mind

Old photos, revealing the time we shared

...

You were the new life brought in an instance of death

I can't remember what living was like before you

My oldest memory being the box placed into my lap

Lifting the lid and out you popped

A jack-in-the-box where the surprise was unexpected

Not scary, but sweet

…

How can you just be gone?

I didn't even get to say goodbye

…or did I?

Had you been slowly fading away before my eyes?

Did I simply not see that which I couldn't?

Because to me you were still the same puppy

Jumping into my lap on Christmas Day

I walked along your side for thirteen years

But I wasn't there as you took your last breath

…

I didn't get to say goodbye

…although, maybe I did

Maybe each time I’d left you again

I had such a hard time letting you go

Because I knew that time could be the last

Still…

I should've been there to bring you comfort

I should've been there, holding your hand

I should've been there as you said goodbye to this world

As you lied on that table and let your eyes rest

…

I never got the chance to tell you

The way you made my life complete

The role you played was more than a furry presence

More than a chore on my to-do list

You were so, so much more

I should've been there to tell you

The way you made me smile

On my darkest days when the only emotion I could find was sorrow

I'd come home to you and my sadness would be washed away

I couldn't be sad if you were by my side

You'll never know that though

Maybe that's the part that's killing me most

I wasn't with you in your final moments

I wasn't holding you as I let you go

I didn't witness you in your final days

I didn't witness the day you left

My only memory of you last

Sitting by the front door as I hauled away my suitcase

Promising I loved you, and that I couldn't wait to see you next

I really believed there'd be a next time

Because there always had been

…until now

I know you're in a better place

I know you hadn't been yourself

Still that doesn’t help the fact

To know I’ll never see you again

...

You can't be gone

Next time I go home, you'll be there

Barking as the car rolls up

Tail wagging at the door

You'll sniffle with excitement

It's difficult when I can't explain to you where I go

But you know I'm always coming back

Because no matter how long I'm gone, I always do

I like to think of it as a nice surprise

You have no idea I'm coming home

I'm coming home to you

...

Were you missing me just yesterday?

As you knew it was your time?

Were you wondering of where I was?

Why I'd left you again?

I'm so sorry I couldn't be there

My only regret is wishing I could

Why didn't they call to tell me what was happening?

I'd have been home in an instant

I'd have taken the next flight out

I'd have been there as they said goodbye

…

I lost my best friend yesterday

Today, I'm shedding ugly tears

With puffy eyes I must disguise

Because the world continues on without you here

You taught me what it truly meant

To love without condition

No matter the mess you made

Or the times you wandered a bit too far

Or the hate you had for bathing

I'd still sleep with you by my pillow each night

I could forgive you in an instant

It brings me peace that you're no longer suffering

I live on knowing you can now breathe

In the world above, where your soul now lies

As you're watching over me

One day, when I'm flying in the sky, high above

I'll find you in the softest cloud

As your body envelopes mine into a hug

Finally, you'll be able to see

Just where I've been all this time

If only I could've brought you with me