Golden like sunlight

Directionless.

Effortless.

Full.



For me, yellow is sunlight on a bright afternoon.

Dancing across the sky.

Shimmering through the trees.

Winking between the clouds.

Golden.

Daring.

Afraid of nothing. 

When did I learn to ask, “Is it safe?”

On the playground?

In the school yard?

In the classroom?



My favourite colour is yellow.

One day we played a game in class.

The teacher said, “Stand here if your favourite colour is yellow.”

I joyfully danced over.

Stood there.

Expectant.



Moments passed.

My heart raced. My hands sweat, my feet sweat. A lump grew in my throat.

My heart dropped.

No one came.

I stood there.

Completely still. Completely alone.



My mind was relentless.

A downward spiral swept in.

Does being me mean being alone? By myself? Forever?



Next time, I choose blue. Everyone’s favourite colour is blue.

For me, blue is water.

Spouting icy comments.

Shooting piercing glares.

Armouring my heart.



Leaving me completely alone.

Again.



One day I walk by the river and see sunlight dance across water.

I stand there.

Mesmerized.



Still.



I then remember.

I am not blue like water.

I am golden like sunlight.