Friendly Enemy

You knock on the window while I’m trying to sleep,

The same taunting words play on repeat.

And I place the pillow over my ears,

But you find your way through,

And force me to hear.

Like a curse,

You bound yourself to me,

If only to twist my perception,

How I see me.

You’re voiceless,

And faceless.

But I see you,

Loud and clear.

& only I can save me,

But that’s exactly what I fear.

Because even though I want to fight,

I still let you in.

Because you feel familiar,

And it’s so strange to win.

For when there’s nothing else,

You are the shadow clinging on,

And when I’m alone,

I find myself in your arms.

Is it a test?

Or an attempt to make me better?

With all the things you hate

Handed in a spoken letter?

Or is it a caress?

And these thoughts are really mine?

Are you actually the comfort,

And I’m just out of my mind?

A demon,

An angel.

A story for me to tell?

A place I can’t call heaven,

A place I can’t call hell.

Although you’re not innocent,

I feel you lingering in my thoughts,

But I wouldn’t know happiness,

If it hadn’t been something taught.

It’s not sadness you instill upon me,

It’s something more complex,

A state without emotion,

Without will, without rest.

But through it there are moments,

My ambition sparks,

I drop the long held crutches,

And I’m the light in the dark.

And in these moments,

You are silent.

Hell, you don’t exist at all.

But like clockwork you come knocking,

Like every time before.

And I curse you under my breath,

Yet still I open up the door.