FRIENDless

..Walls have shattered, bonds have broken..

The fallen sand, in the hourglass,

has left the perfect impression of imperfection;

A lesson in solace and distance- a soulless existence prolonged by gimmicks...

You were supposed to be there, better yet you should be here.

The light radiating from the chandelier

has made it crystal clear.. your true colors are my darkest fear...

..Tears have fallen, hearts have broken..

You were here for 10 years, but you missed the right moment;

now old wounds have opened and new Scars are showing,

The anger has left but the regret is growing...

..Not the type of regret that pinches our heart when an old friend departs

But the breathtaking-earth shaking-mind breaking devastation

of knowing that we weren't truly friends from the start

It isn't the regret of not saying enough, it's the numbing fret of saying way too much

Reaching for you and becoming out of touch or The regret of making love when what it really was was just lust,

or Seeing gold in someone formulated by rust,

but now the sand has washed away, and today i lay in the dust.

All the musty-dusty memories left in this mausoleum

where I showcased my antique hidden-forbidden feelings.

Sometimes i wish you could see it all from my point of view,

Risen from the catacombs to view, the monsoon of emotional doom

vacuumed into the tomb;

..Where my heart once existed...

Where my love was depicted...

..Where your dark energy blocked my rays of love and feelings for you eclipsed into mental clips,

and constant sips, of jack for my cardiac distress

and yes, now that you have left my mind body and soul are in a mess

where each and every breath of decongest

has been swept from my chest but pain aint death,

and GodBless, because I am no longer distressed..

!New Barriers have grown!

Connections have spawned

Time has fast forwarded and made hands of their own

Ironically it's 11:11, and although i wish u were here every couple of seconds...

I wont fail to mention that I no longer believe in wishes,

no more throwing pennies into small ponds lacking fishes,

I'm done overthinking, hoping that something different will sink in,

..I rather bathe in the cold depths of this sea,

I have finally made my peace with your darkened deceit,

see you may not agree... it may not seem like this to you

but that just makes it more visible to me!

I'm longer invisible or divisible by factors

made by individuals, Morals and principles, feelings meanings and visuals

friction between Fractions of indistinguishable unmissable physical,

memories...

I no longer let you get the best of me.

I have already made a new philosophy;

!What will be .. will be!

..and now...

Smiles have formed, smirks, reborn,

The hardest part was being calm in the midst before the storm;

but i have respawned-reformed-bone for bone-skin and tone

i have regrown, in my time alone.

And so i'm glad you're not here,

i'm better without your selective presence, in this new atmosphere

all The broken atoms near my heart have persevered,

and steer clear of the bitter banter by being candor;

I'm free to swim the sea carefree of the emotional anchor..

I no longer negate contemplate reject or neglect the depth,

of my vastly heart filled breathe

So... although I am glad that you aren't here or left,

My heart has learned to forgive but my mind will never forget.