Forgetting

I think I may have forgotten

What your laughter sounds like

I think I may have forgotten

The way you’d say ‘I love you' as something else

I think I may have forgotten

Your favorite flavor of ice cream

What I can’t forget is the way you made me feel

Happy when it felt impossible to be that way

Angry in a way I’ve never known

Loved the way only a grandparent can love you

What I can’t forget are the warm summer days spent splashing

You stood laughing with your son throwing corn husks in the pool

It was the last time I saw you healthy

But not the last time I saw you happy

What I can’t forget are the little things

The necklace with all my favorite colors

The elephant dug from deep beneath a pile of long forgotten things

The tight hugs on a rickety front porch

What I can’t forget are the last words I heard you say

Words you’d never said quite so plainly

I love you too

What I want to forget are your last days

Skin like paper stuck to your withering face

Shaking hands barely strong enough to hold a wave

A voice so weak and ready to leave

What I want to forget is the pain

So sharp it feels like dying

But I think you’d know that better than I would

But what I really want to forget

Is nothing

Because every moment with you in it

Feels bittersweet now that you’re gone

And holding on to it

Feels like holding on to you