For them too.

Lord, help me understand.

I've lost my sight and now I'm blind.

I know it's my need to be right.

My need to be perfect.

My need to never fail.

Why must it be this way?

Turning the other cheek, taking the beating, is this where I find humility?

Anger and hatred are tangible in my chest.

Frustration pouring out with every breath.

I'm underwater and I can't breathe.

Caged, fighting, swinging,

Screaming can anyone hear me?

Why won't you answer me?

Why must I struggle in this way for so long?

Will you not take this from me?!

I am not this strong.

Your love feels so far from me.

I can't hear you. I can't see you.

The sins and imperfections are horrid.

In my fight to destroy them I somehow become them.

If I say nothing do I not permit it?

If I combat it does it not root itself deeper?

How do I win?

How are people set free?

If not by the Spirit of God alone.

Lord, I'm fighting with you.

As a child who doesn't understand and pleads for her Father to make it make sense.

Lord, I'm mad at you.

How can I ever know I am on the right track when hypocrisy and self-righteousness blind my path?

This tangible stone I feel in my chest is a heart that beats with futile rest.

I do not feel peace I only feel being right.

Yet in this feeling of being right I know beneath that I am wrong.

Oh so, wrong.

I needn't force things along

In my own time and my own strength.

I can't make branches bear fruit or seeds sprout through.

I myself am a branch called to bear fruit.

So, why must I be so concerned with the fruit that others produce?

Because I thought we were all in this together.

Branches abiding in the same vine enduring the weather.

How can I be loving when I believe they aren't living true?

I realize it's because the gift Jesus gave wasn't only for me it was for them too.

If I struggle to give it to them it means I haven't fully received it from You.

Are you really this loving?

Are you truly this kind?

Do you really keep me in mind?

How can you love me so deeply when I fall so short?

When I actively choose destruction as if it were a sport?

You say forgive.

Forgive so mercy can move.

Lord, help me be more like You because I desire to see Your grace breakthrough.

Not only for me, but for them too.