Familiar Face

I walk

Aimlessly through a crowd

This place

Is a familiar place

Somewhere I’ve been before

The details of the room are vague and dissimilar from my memory

I can recognize a face

Wavering through all the bodies

Only glimpses of the familiar face through all the commotion

I’ve seen him before a thousand times

But the bell doesn’t ring my foggy memory

Strange

All feels strange

The commotion stops suddenly

All eyes are on me

The crowd is still like soldiers at attention

I feel their gaze pierce my frightened perception

The face I recognize is now running towards me

Evading the numerous bodies in the crowd

A stark expression and a hasty pace

I now fear this familiar face

I sense the fight coming

I charge towards him

The commotion is now between the two of us

The crowd watches in shame of our behaviour

We crash over tables and smash through the drywall

Knocking over bystanders and whatever else was in the way of our heinous brawl

He is stronger than I am

Much stronger

I find myself trapped under his crushing weight

The pressure grows heavier

Heavier still

Over my entire body

I am motionless

Frozen

Breathless

Darkness

-

I walk

Aimlessly through a crowd

This is a familiar place

One I recognize only slightly

I’ve been here before

Commotion

Déjà vu is a funny feeling

His grim face is not so funny

A recognizable fear overwhelms me

I run from the crowd as I feel my presence become aware of those around me

Guilt follows in my footsteps

I throw myself through a door

The outdoor air rushes through the doorway

Another face I recognize

My roommate from college

I ask for help and only receive a concerned look

As if I were a beggar or a drunk

Guilt runs through me

“What have I done?”

I beg in hopes he will have mercy

With disappointment he surrenders his dorm key to me

The fleets of stairs are long

My legs are tired

I run through a few groups of students as I try to evade the madness

I can feel judgment from every person I cross

“What have I done?”

I unlock the door and close it behind me

Stillness

-

I walk

Aimlessly though a crowd

This is a familiar place

I recognize similarities from a building on my old college campus

Before I start looking at faces, I recognize the familiar feeling of guilt

I run through the doors again

The outdoor air rushes through the doorway

This time I don’t stop for anyone

I run into a larger building

The doors behind me slam open before they can fully close

I am being chased

Through the glass windows in the foyer I see a pool

I duck into a change room to find the entrance to the pool deck

Shrieks all around me

The women, half dressed, are seized with fits of hysterics

I am a rabid animal to anyone who sees me

I will be condemned

But for what?

I cannot bear it

As I leap into the deep end of the pool

There is chaos around me

Unintelligible yelling

Concern

I enter the water and the world becomes silent

Tranquil

-

I walk

Aimlessly through a crowd

This is a familiar place

A place I faintly recognize

Guilt suddenly takes me over

This is Groundhog Day in hell

I hate the feeling inside me

I fear these people

I hate myself

I am condemned

-

This happens over and over again

Every time I reboot

I am groggy

My memory is hazy

Like a heavy fog blanketing everything I have ever understood

Everything feels ill

Every person

Every face

Every place

Every time I am replaced the unsettling surprises once again commence

The grim face I’ve seen a thousand times brings me newly discovered suspense

Every time I escape

Everything is erased

During one episode I found myself naked, embarrassed and begging for clothes

Only to be looked down upon like a heathen

“What have I done?”

Time and time again I am reborn into a place where no one knows me

No one likes me

No one helps me

But everyone knows I don’t belong

I am condemned

-

Somewhere in the looping torment

I remember

I remember a reality not so bizarre

I remember there is a way out

I open my eyes

Everything is crooked and blurry

I try to open my eyes again

I lay on a couch

The half-eaten spring roll on the coffee table reminds of the reality I once knew

It feels like weeks have gone by

It feels I have lost precious time on heavenly Earth

While my consciousness was bearing the battering of hell on repeat

I try to make sense of this feeling

The vague memories of my dream become lucid

I am overwhelmed with the emotions I experienced over and over again

I break down into tears

Sobbing out loud

Thanking God for having mercy on me

For exempting me from an eternity of suffering

“What happened?”

I sob out loud

“It felt like so god damn long”

I am hysterical

“What just happened to me?”

-

The room is bright

Glowing with a pale light

I turn to the window with watery eyes

To see if it is still night

A full moon lights up the night sky

______________________

This dream occurred a few months ago. I have had some vivid dreams before during a full moon but nothing like this one. My partner can confirm the hysterical tears when I woke up.