Every Summer With(out) You

I always thought that my guts kept me like stone until I fell in love with you

Every summer felt like a draining torrent, a deepening chasm, waiting for your call

I always thought that since you knew me so well, I could be bare and open, but it turned out I fell into the wave of my self-created grief, a newly created shade of blue

Your favorite color is blue; whenever I heard your laughter I heard that color too-- like Maya Blue and Baby Blue---I always did take in that sound too deeply, like a fall

One summer(every summer) I waited for you, every day, yet we still talked everyday(all night, all day)

I wondered if you avoided me for my garishness, my odd sense of humor---the way I never kept who I was unrevealed

I remember how effortless it would be for us to sing together and laugh and joke so far away from each other--- and now I think back to all those easy laughs, and I know now what I had to pay

You were my searing summer pain---in art, I drained my life-blood---in my tears it was sealed

Blue was in my field of vision, your raven hair shining against the summer air, your back turned to me as you run

Your red and orange colored dreams filled me with hopes of being with you in the fall instead of summer---cuddling close and holding hands, a dream you whispered to me only once

Our caring lies and child-like visions all collapsed, my dear sweet friend, like in that song----Black-Hole Sun

I only ever heard the phone ringing, never a knocking door; the echoes of our mirth, a dream-sound I carried on with me all summer--yes, I felt like a dunce

I always felt like my guts kept me like stone until I fell in love with you---but you were like blue, the most rare wave of ocean green-blue, melting it away with the summers that never were

I still felt our distant heat, I still felt our jade-tangerine-baby blue dreams in the hot white summer pain, in the memories we both whispered to one another late at night----we both stayed away from each other: to give my love for you the final cure