Envious Heart

My heart is aching and

I know it is breaking,

For someone I've never even met.

For someone like that to have such an impact on my life surely they must be special.

Although they are gone they holdevey bit of my heart,

No matter how many pieces fell apart.

Their eyes may have never opened and lungs never took a breath,

They stole my breath and made my eyes only search for them when giggles and baby cries filled a room.

I own an envious heart full of pain and sadness,

The thing I loved the most was taken away from me all too suddenly.

I never got to be their mom and chase them down the hall.

Or hear their laughter bounce off the walls or read them books until we fell fast asleep.

You see my miscarriage stole everything from me and my husband. We may never be that lucky again, but now we have an angel watching over us and I thank god everyday.

It happened so suddenly and unexpectedly that we had no idea. Everyone searches for closer in some form or another. I find myself writing or painting, trying to cope with the pain but even after I finish the pain is still there.

I guess this just means I am not ready to let go of or the thought of what could've been, but hopefully someday things will get better.