End Of An Era

One year ago today, was the last time I ever spoke to you. I was a country away and you were still doing the same song and dance with me.

How are things? What's happening? Any exciting things?

Did you really care or just wanted to make sure I was still in your back pocket? I'm not. The version of me you knew is dead. Even down to my name, but you couldn't care to remember that.

You chose to break countless promises with me, then make me feel like I was crazy for needing that reassurance. You used the very same daggers I was afraid of you using in the first place. Why?

I hope you're happy. You managed to ruin any chance I had to develop anything real. My mind creates distortions faster than any of us can inhale and exhale. I can't even begin to let someone in anymore. My heart aches for love, but my mind creates the buffers for it all.

My walls are obsidian, but somehow you still get through and your memory still hurts me. Seeing you nearby and knowing that you still won't ever reach out in the right way, it's like drinking poison willingly.

Your number is still saved to my phone. Not because I will reach out, but because I still don't have the heart to delete it. I haven't even had the heart to block it either. You had the audacity to wish me a happy birthday, yet never spoke to me in any time before then. Why do you still find ways to hurt me, even though I haven't spoken to you...?

One year later, I am still under your spell, and it kills me.

You managed to trick everyone into believing you cared for me...even me. Your love is poison, and it killed every version of me. All that's left are the shattered pieces that I can't bear to let anyone fix.

I want to hate you. I want to pretend you never existed in my life...but our stories are weaved together at such a crucial moment in my life. And so, you shall see me shine brighter than you could've ever imagined. I will revel in the fact that you will have no part of that.

I wish things were different. Sometimes I wish the version of you I had in my mind actually existed. The one that cared. The one that loved me. But wishing and hoping won't change the reality. You didn't care. I was only your convenience store. I chose to close down permanently.

One year ago today, I chose me. Something you never did.