Earth 101

On a world that thought it was alone--how absurd!

Earth received distant guests, have you heard?

From a galaxy far and not at all too akin,

Aliens arrived, "Greetings, can we come in?"

*

With our "advanced" technology and egos grander,

We said, "Welcome to Earth!" with no lack of candor.

"We're the kings of this planet, the pinnacle, the lore,

Prepare for a tour from the galaxy next door!"

*

So here's our tale, full of jest, irony, spin,

As we introduce our guests to our world, we begin.

They're luminescent and keen to learn of our dear planet Earth,

Little do they know, they are in for some mirth!

*

Our visitors were unique, six legs and noses four,

A set of antennas, invisible ears and so much more!

They could read our thoughts, see in infrared too,

And with a wee wink, could lift objects--all true!

*

Their names? Unpronouncable, in language Earth lacks,

So we called them Bob, Susan, and little baby Max.

They looked quite intrigued, as they floated around,

To see where supreme intelligence in our universe could be found.

*

"Ah yes," we said proudly, "We're Earth's finest breed!"

Now come, dear aliens, there's so much you must see!"

Bob's antennas twitched, Susan let out a sigh,

Little Max hummed, which we think meant, "Oh my!"

*

"Behold," we exclaimed, "our culinary might!"

As we pulled into a drive-thru, under the neon lights.

"Here's a burger and fries, a meal fit for a king!"

Bob looked at the grease and said, "Is this a real thing?"

*

We took a large gulp of soda, felt the sugar rush,

Susan shook her head, "You eat this? Oh my gosh!"

"Ah, don't worry," we laughed, "it's an acquired taste,"

As we gobbled down food, we knew was a waste.

*

Next we travelled down the grocery aisle, where "food" is long-lasting,

Boxes with expiry dates far into the future casting,

"These are our marvels of science, forever they endure!"

Bob scanned the label, "high fructose, butylated what? Are your sure?"

*

Susan sent her thoughts to Max, whose four noses flared in clear shock,

"Your 'food' is toxic! Did you even take stock?"

We chuckled nervously, "They're convenient, you see,"

"Sacrificing health for ease is a very human decree."

*

Bob turned to the Susan, who spun in dismay,

Thinking, "This planet's food may lead us astray."

*

Finally, we led them to where our kind gain their powers,

To the land of energy drinks and our coffee hour.

"Watch as humans sup this potion to wake from their sleep,"

"It looks like filthy water, in mud it's steeped?..."

*

"Is this your life force? We don't understand."

"Don't you have nature's energy at your command?"

"We do", we said, "That's the ideal plan",

"But we've outsourced waking up, as only humans can!"

*

Next, we said, "Behold our temples," holding up our phones,

"Where we snap ourselves with likes, shares, and sepia tones".

We took a picture, gave it a crop,

"Watch the likes pour in!" But they just said, "Stop."

*

"Is this a form of self worship?" the beings queried,

what's there to see?

"It's an act of self love", we defended,

But they just saw vanity.

*

We then entered for karaoke, our finest of bars,

To show our kind singing for strangers - "Bizzare!"

They exlaimed, "Is this a mating call?" They were confused.

"Sort of," we answered, "usually with the help of some booze".

*

Next, we hit the office, cubicles as far as the eye could see,

"Here we work for money--a capitalist spree!"

"You trade hours for paper? What a silly waste of time!"

They retorted, "This servitude in our land would be a crime!"

*

Then we went on the road, a human zoo on wheels,

Where green means "go fast" and red's our chance to read emails.

"Here, we master patience," we said, caught in a snare,

"Or lack thereof, if you can read the gestures in the air."

*

Our last stop was a runaway, to showcase our fashion,

Models so skinny, they must have been out of food rations.

"You wrap yourselves in discomfort to be seen as chic?!"

"This logic makes no sense." It truly was unique.

*

Susan observed the high heels, "You willingly impair your gait?"

"To look taller!" we cheered, "Isn't it great?!"

"The lengths you go to impress, so hard to measure,"

They said with a sigh, "You have such odd treasures."

*

Bob floated forward, atennas quivering in jest,

"Your Earthly customs? A curious litmus test."

From karaoke 'mating calls' to eating chemical goo,

We're starting to think 'advanced' means something different to you."

*

"And those cubicles where you stall your times,

Are they cells of productivity, or just a pantomime?"

Max then let out a high pitched beep,

As if to say, "You may be odd to us, but you're simply unique."

*

The aliens then left us with a mirror, reflecting what we are,

A mix of contradictions, reaching for the stars.

Maybe in our oddities, our quirks, and our ways,

Lies the beauty of our humanity, deserving of praise.