Early midlife crisis

November 14th at 8 pm is when I noticed

It's snowing

I wish I felt the way about it as I did

However many years it's been

since I was a kid

It actually hasn't been that long

If I really think about it

Shit, there was something I was meant to do today

Is it too late now

That's okay

Almost 22 and you're still fighting with family

Still have my part-time job

Just a part-time job

Like... really

At this point, I'd be happy to die young

Receive a terminal diagnosis

then I'll have my fun

No fear of the future

Embrace the hurt

But now

I just got through my 3rd bottle of wine

just this week

And I'm scared to mention

All the beer that I drink

I've never been one for liquor

But lately, I hate the way that I think

and I'm afraid I'm not where I'm supposed to be

I'm supposed to smile at the snow

I'm supposed to be somebody else

Who knew I'd feel so low

Feeling my breathing slow

My heart has been taking

such a beating lately

The cold was supposed to protect me

How can I escape these feelings

I live for today

Or hang on to the past

Is there a way

to do both and make it last

I'm not trying to live in constant strife

I want to make it and finally thrive

I'm living my midlife crisis

I miss being a kid

but I want to make something big

of my life

How do I do both at the same time