Dying By Pieces

Dying By Pieces

We are all dying.

Not the way we expected

This is slow,

not a short death like

At night in your bed

Going to sleep

And just not waking.

No, it is a long death

Filled with small things

Taken away each day

Bit by unrecognized bit,

Piece by once familiar piece.

I recognized it New Year's Day.

When I usually hosted a party

Lots of friends

More food and booze

Starting early, but late enough

For the hangover to flee

And celebrants begin again.

But not to end chaotic 2020

Nor to begin hopeful 2021.

Masks are for fending off

Death by virulent virus

Not for eating and drinking.

Only a party, I thought.

No big deal to miss.

But was it?

It was a bit, small pieces of me

That died throughout 2020.

0n January 1, 2021

I saw with clarity.

And there it was it.

Death by piece.

Pieces of the life I once had.

The life I lived

Took for granted

For 82 years.

I knew I would die someday.

Body worn out

Things inside my internal

Machine giving out

With normal timing.

But my death by

Pieces was different.

It was loss of familiar faces

Loss of favorite restaurants

Loss of regular meetings

Loss of tai chi friends

Loss of people in my home

Loss of visits at other homes

Loss of my favorite restaurants

Loss of meeting for cocktails

Loss of haircuts & pedicures

Loss of lunch dates

Loss of going into markets

Loss of Costco or Wal-Mart

Loss of dressing to go out.

My medicine for

This loss failed me.

Amazon packages

Don't cure missing pieces.

Netflix series

Don't cure missing pieces

Facebook friends

Don't bring back hugs.

Zoom is just a counterfeit

Of coffeehouse readings.

Knitting endless sweaters for dogs

Doesn't replace coffee with a friend.

I haven't seen my daughter

& family since fall 2019,

What is left of me?

MSNBC all day long

4 to 5 walks a day with dogs

Food by delivery.

Yarn from Amazon.

What I know is: I am lucky!

I have no kids to feed

Or teach at home

I have food to eat

I have a roof over my head

That I will not lose.

My health is OK for my age

But still, I die in pieces.

A piece died 9 minutes plus seconds

With a knee on the neck of a man

Maybe a minor criminal

But crimes not death worthy

By knee of malevolent policeman

Ignoring cries of "I can't breathe."

Another chunk fell off when

Breanna died, shot in her bed

By police at the wrong apartment.

And a white boy with a military gun

Murdered two young white men

Peacefully protesting in support

Of Black Lives Matter.

Thousands of friends,

Family & neighbors

Died unnecessary deaths

Bodies decaying at the hand

Of a vicious President

Caring only for himself

Aided by careless people

Entitled in their minds

To spread death by their breath

Gathering to party in crowds

Heedless of the rights of others

The right to not be infected

The right to live out their lives.

Wah-wah is not my way of crying

Nor my way of dying.

Watching my death by pieces

I speak my words

I speak my feelings

I write my thoughts

I write my knowledge.

I have been entitled and it is gone.

I have lived a life and it is gone.

I am every person whose life is gone.

Watching a country fall apart.

January 6, just another day of infamy.

Like every shithole dictatorship

World over, some citizens arose

Filled with hate for the ‘other’

Filled with love for a fake savior

They killed, ravaged and battled

As frightened sheep do when told.

Horror upon horror we

Watched a country die.

Watching a country murdered,

Hate and lies pushing knees on the

Unprotected neck of Democracy

Kills its citizens

Piece by piece.

And I am only one of them.

And thus, I ended this rant,

Or thought I had

Until January 20,2021.

Life began to change,

As a country struggled

To emerge anew, to shake off chaos.

Rid itself of the dystopian nightmare

Cringing in the shadows, a ghoul

Sucking joy and kindness from the air

As it flailed, resisting its death.

But then, shoving its way

To push off the knees of hate,

I felt a small miracle

Emanating from my captor television

As a small piece,

Of my soul, of my heart,

Began to reassert itself in the

Dark open space of my being.

And I recognized

Hope.