dusty missives from the pickle jar shelf

dear ten,

If you could see me now, you’d be disgusted.

*

dear fourteen,

pick the skirt on the left

*

dear eight,

if I could tell you how it ends, I would. just keep going.

*

dear twelve,

the breasts are on their way. brace yourself.

*

dear four,

tell it to your teddy bear instead

*

dear nine,

your calluses are beautiful

*

dear seven,

doesn’t the knife feel good in your hands?

*

dear sixteen,

it wasn’t your fault

*

dear eight,

this time, tell a person

*

dear seven,

at least you’ll always have books

*

dear fourteen,

this is not the last time you will feel broken

*

dear seventeen,

the army doesn’t want you

*

dear twenty-three,

honesty sometimes feels like ammonia in your lungs. keep breathing.

*

dear three,

you will forget what G-d looks like unless you draw the picture now

*

dear twenty two,

answer your own prayers

*

dear twenty,

yes, it’s love

*

dear eighteen,

yes, it’s a conspiracy

*

dear sixteen,

yes, it’s the patriarchy

*

dear eighteen,

she will leave you. it doesn’t matter.

*

dear twelve,

start calling yourself woman

*

dear eleven,

she will break your heart. of course it matters.

*

dear fifteen,

that was an orgasm

*

dear eight,

it is not your fault

*

dear nineteen,

this time, it’s your fault

*

dear thirteen,

they do not envy your intelligence

*

dear eight,

you are still lovable

*

dear eighteen,

you’ll never be able to answer that question in one word

*

dear sixteen, twenty three, eight, nineteen, two, five, twenty one, eighteen, eleven, four:

I am proud of you

*

dear ten,

in science class this year,

you will learn about evolution.

you will learn that ferns,

those feather-delicate greens

you thatch into tree-fort covers,

look the same as they did when

they were stegosaurus snacks.

You still think this kind of stasis

is beautiful, so I don’t blame you

for your crossed arms and the fearful eyes

you keep for strangers.

But I ask that you store these lessons

on the pickle-jar shelf of your heart,

and taste them every few years.

You are capable of this. Imagine what you will become.

love,

thirty