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Drowning

By Brenton FPublished 2 years ago Updated 9 months ago 1 min read
17

gone with the current

locked tight within a rip

my eyes and mouth are filled with ocean

i’m unable to get a grip

unsteady within an eddy

i toss and turn with the tide

submerged saline asphyxiation

a thrilling but final ride

the crash of the waves breaks my back

i’m thrown and flung with the weeds

at the tender mercies of this cool seasonal ebb

there are no wants desires or needs

wantonly welded to the will of the tide

the end is close i am sure

to drift forever forgotten flotsam

or to be dashed on some far jagged shore

my head goes under the swell

the surface is so far away

i hold my breathe until inevitably

everything fades and turns grey

my throat and lungs fill with water

you cannot hear my scream

intensive and stronger, drawn out and longer

worse than any dream

surreal poetry
17

About the Creator

Brenton F

It's just a token of my extreme - Frank Zappa

- - -

I have an eBook, a collection of my favourite pieces

Link to Amazon

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  1. Masterful proofreading

    Zero grammar & spelling mistakes

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Comments (10)

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  • Jake LoPresti7 months ago

    I like your flow and imagery. Thanks for your creativity.

  • Cathy holmes8 months ago

    Fantastic piece.

  • Poppy 9 months ago

    Wow, this is so well written. I especially loved the ending

  • Rene Peters9 months ago

    I was hooked before I started reading it and you did not disappoint. Amazing piece!

  • I love this-- "there are no wants desires or needs,,," --forever free.

  • My every day. The sweet saline sublimity of surrender to the inevitable. One editorial note: Last line, did you want "then" (sequential) rather than "than" (comparative)?

  • Grz Colmabout a year ago

    Brenton - terrific rhythm and rhyme throughout!! 😊

  • Mackenzie Davisabout a year ago

    Goddamn, this is so good. You build up to the final few lines in a way that provokes a deep seated surprise in me. I don’t know how that works every time I read one of your poems, but that is what happens. And I will continue to read them. Fantastic.

  • Mary Haynesabout a year ago

    You beautifully expressed my fear of waves. And not breathing in general. Kind of a funny fear for a sailor.

  • I often feel that way. Life can be worse than any dream, even any nightmare. You expressed it so well 👏

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