Drowning

Some days,

I feel as though I am drowning in myself.

Like I am losing myself in the waves of racing thoughts,

The tides of emotions,

The sinking ship that is my mental health.

Some days,

I still feel like sinking my own ship,

Succumbing to the storm inside.

Others I feel the seas so calm,

And I am a sailboat on those days.

Sometimes I am the captain,

Controlling every move.

Others I am a prisoner,

Locked in the brig,

Just along for the ride.

Every day a new adventure,

Every day a new storm.

But I wonder,

Is sailing these stormy waters

Better than drowning?

Letting go,

Letting all the pain wash away with the waves,

Let the creatures that lurk below have me once and for all.

I don't know.

I don't know if I'll ever know.

But for now,

I will swim.