Drawn away from feeling okay

I can't call my mom because I don't want her to hear the sadness in my voice,

I don't want to talk to my best friend, because I don't want my sadness and concern to overtake her day,

I don't want to include my boyfriend because I don't want to feel the obligation of feeling the need to communicate,

I want to turn my phone on airplane mode,

Maybe even turn it off,

Go back to bed, and let myself feel lost,

I want to take an edible to slow everything down,

Where all I can do is taste the simplicity of food,

and laugh at funny sounds,

I want to throw myself into work, because that is something I can control,

But I dread every moment it's time to leave and open the doors,

I want my anxiety to be heard, but left alone,

Understood and known, without the expectation of making sense of it,

I want to be allowed to be envelop in myself,

Without it seeming like a cry out for help,

I want to disappear within my mind,

Without being trapped within the senselessness that it tends to find,

I want to feel daily structure without the absence of what is missing,

I want to be able to feel whole without missing the feeling of kissing,

I want to wake up and see the opportunity in the day,

Instead of the reasons why the bed is where I should stay,

I want to feel the excitement to future plans and being alive,

I want to feel like I don't desire to be drawn away,

To hide from the home within myself,

I want to feel okay with being okay.