Do you

Before our first date.. you said you didn’t think we’d ever run out of things to talk about.. but the hard part was going to be the end of the night… not wanting to say goodbye. I wonder if you remember that.

When you messaged me that first time I wasn’t looking to fall for you. I’d come to terms that maybe no one would ever truly love me. But you saw me, you see me. The real me.

You see the girl that’s sensitive, and overthinks. You know when something is a problem before I say it. You see the headstrong stubborn woman who’s protective and jealous.

Before that night there was a little ember burning inside me… that you’ve carefully and continuously brought into full flame.

You were right when you said that hardest part would be when the date was over. For me at least it’s still holds true.

You promised me you could make me laugh… a promise you’ve kept for nearly 14 months now.

I worry a lot, that what’s been amazing in my eyes is not the same in yours. I just hope that I make you even a tenth as happy as I feel when I’m with you. I hope you want to grow our relationship. I fear that my dreams for us are not what you had in mind.

I guess all of that is pretty normal for a girl who’s never known a healthy relationship. When you’re here with me it quiets the doubt.

Lately I am hit with random moments where I am overcome with one thought…. “Fuck. I love him.”

In those moments I want to hear your voice, to tell you. But I try not to bother you, I’m scared I’m too much.

I hope you still remember what you said… and I often wonder, do you still wish it will never end?