Dissociating

I’m completely numb from this hurt I got .

A nice sharp blade with hit the spot.

The blood stream down my arm ,deeper I bleed.

The more it will succeed.

I wrote it out in poetry ,

But it doesn’t help the numb feeling mentally.

Am I not worthy of good things.

I want happiness instead I get stings.

I give back and give so much loyalty than anyone I know.

But here I am watching my own tears flow .

No one cares about me ,I’m here for you they say .

But they flee .

I sit here shaking like a homeless in the winter’s snow.

I’m just so dissociated to even know.

Am I walking in real life or am I sleeping ?

Do I need a sharp knife.

I want to feel this numbness go away .

My hearts hurting and the urge us here to stay .

Why do I find happiness in the blade ,

Waking up from the devastating life is the greatest trade .

I want to feel real and feel alive again

,I’m just scared alone that she’ll act me with the blade deep within.