Did I Tell You What Happened to Me Today?

Chile, let me tell you what happened to me today

I went home early from work, wanting to get a little rest

You know, before my old man and the kids got home in the evening

Well, before I get in the do' good, my old man laying up on the couch

I stopped dead in my tracks, thinking, What in the world is going on here?

I say, Roscoe, what you doing here? He say, Oh hey, baby. It's time for you already?

I'm like, What you mean, is it time for me already? Why are you here?

Oh, baby, I was gonna tell you, but you been so stressed out, I got laid off

I turned my happy butt around and went back to work

It made no sense both of us there, when I could be making some money

He told me to have a good day, ain't that some mess?

Chile, let me tell you what happened to me today

I get a call from my kids' school and lil Timmy and Tommy are acting up

I get home and have a talk with the boys and find out

Roscoe hasn't been clear with them on how to treat other children

He told them to have each other's back

Well, Tommy was having trouble with one kid and told his brother

Timmy and Tommy beat the boy up and now the rest of the kids

Are afraid of my boys, ain't that some mess?

Chile, let me tell you what happened to me today

I'm in my car, running late this morning

Go to start my car, my car said, EH-EH-EH-EH-EH

And had the nerve to cough black smoke

I call triple A, only to be told that the bill, ain't been paid

For the last 3 months, I'm like, What in the world?

So, I call me an Uber, they are busy with a 35-minute wait

So, then I remember Roscoe ain't using his car, right?

I go get in his car and this monkey ain't got no gas

I had to walk a mile to catch the Metra, ain't that some mess?

Girl, let me tell you what happened to me

I get up to go to the bathroom last night

And Randy, the dog, dun ate up my house shoe

Then, I go in the bathroom, with one shoe on

And Roscoe or Randy, dun peed on the flo'

While I am fussing about my wet foot

I turn and sit and the toilet and got a wet butt!

Now I'm hollering, because this monkey

Dun left the seat up, ain't that some mess?

Girl, what happened to you today?

Nothing...because yesterday,

I kicked Roscoe out and told him don't come back

Til he has a job, the kids are staying with my sister

For the next three days, old Randy the dog,

Is in the doghouse where he belongs

I paid triple A and got my car towed

Then got up early this morning got me an Uber

Chile, I'm good today