Depression Is a Yellow Teapot

When you’re depressed

you learn to despise the

happy colours

learn to sneer at the sight of yellows

oranges

sky blues

until the little yellow teapot you adore

lies abandoned in the cupboard

for fear you’ll smash it

in disgust.

When you’re depressed

there are two mugs you can use for tea

one for coffee

all black. Just slightly different enough

to give you that all consuming

urge for control.

You can’t control your brain

your life

your work

your fading hope

but you can put two sugars in

a black cup

and arrive at something close

to normal.

When you’re in recovery

you tell yourself that

the bright blue mug is fine

the world doesn’t end

if the Doctor dances

or the depressed girl

uses an item deemed too happy

for today’s assumed misery.

Blue can be black

in the absence of light

and you let the shadows linger

just this once.

When you’re in recovery

you learn to let the shadows linger

until you can wear the purple skirt

the red shirt

the glittery boots

without actually seeing the colours

but it’s a start

it’s enough

it’s going to get better

and it does.

When you’re out of the spiral

you can turn on the light before

your morning tea

can even sit outside

in the golden sun

without a mental monologue

against the yellow of it all.

The first day out of the spiral

you grab for a mug

any mug

no rhyme

no reason

just a hunk of ceramic

and a need for warmth

and the black mug

the coffee one

hits the wall

a little harder than you’d hoped.

When you’re out of the spiral

you can repurpose a

chipped black mug

without the need

to immediately replace it.

And that

more than anything

lets you know you’re okay.