Dependency

Before I even noticed

I had formed a relationship with substance

I found meaning in the haze and felt free from responsibility by letting my mind be taken over

While others may feel overwhelmed when letting go of the wheel

I have never felt more relieved or more reprieve than when I give up control

It has always been easy for me to get lost in the maze that is my mind

And in getting lost, I tend to find the bits and pieces of myself I forced myself to forget

Without ever realizing it, I had began a journey of dependency

A journey of mind, body and spirit that would teach me more about myself

A journey that would bring out the best and worst qualities of my character

Time has been kind, in that as it moves forward

It never fails to introduce more thrilling, dangerous experiences

I always believe I am not capable until I show myself I am

And in that moment I realize the power I hold

These poisons I sometimes embrace so closely that it feels a part of my soul

Have taught me a lot more than I ever expected

They tell me I should probably distance myself from them now

At least for the while

Because the events coming up call for a clear mind

One that is fully in control

No more haze and smoke

Illusions and Fantasies

And I think

They tell me the truth more than most people

For too long

I have enjoyed the act of throwing myself off a cliff

And feeling that sense of no floor beneath my feet

But these days have me feeling grounded

I think I am ready for new change