Dear best friend

Dear my very best friend,

I keep busy with my kids like how I did last year, I know you remember that well when I would call you and we would talk non stop during my time at the park with my kids, getting ice cream and going out with other friends and of course, my family.

This summer I also have daily appointments to go to with my youngest son Noah and that's speech and other therapy to help him. So, there's that too to keep us productive and it is very important for him too.

I can't always write. My mad and sad raven stops me and makes me feel bad for focusing on my career. Sometimes, my appointments with my children come first and so does my column job for Patheos too. But, I try to make time when I have it. And if I'm too depressed... I try and channel it in a different way through a poem or just sometimes I need a break. It's ok to not feel ok and take breaks. I am hugging you for your sadness I hope that this feelings subsides and you feel better soon. I understand that these feelings are hard to dissolve and take care, time and effort to process and heal.

Everytime the mad raven tries to control me, like not letting me talk to you, I do just the opposite because you're incredibly important to me and my writing is important to me too. Obviously you're more important than my writing but you get what I mean.

I have to finished several projects like Arturo and Dan and Bexley, and of course Edward and John... because they spoke loudest to me, just like your Noah is speaking loudest to you..I 100% understand where you're coming from. Your darling angels can wait their turn once you are feeling their vibes better. That's totally fine. I've done this with other characters and their stories eventually get told, once the louder ones are done talking.

Sometimes under these stressful situations I find it easy to relate my painful emotions and strain it into my stories and characters in a more cathartic release. Sometimes, I can't, but I wait until I feel better and can let the flood gates out to let my characters yell loud enough and I can see their destiny laid bare. If your characters give you scenes out of order, that is very important I think and it can tell you what is going on with their hearts and minds... I feel that it can be a highly interesting way to tell a story too. Tarantino tells stories out of order quite often and these are his best films, in my opinion. You can always write them down and put them in order too.

I have a very good feeling about that Lowes job. It sounds like you got in good with the management and that they liked you a lot! I think it's an uncertain but good possible outcome you may see Z again, but I feel these signs you keep seeing are very important. I am so proud of you for your bravery and your determination.

You feel pulled into music too and trust me so do I. I listen to loud music in my car all the time, windows down with the whipping wind to drown out all the sadness.

My prayers, hugs and love are all with you, in God’s will I hope we both prevail.

Love, Melissa