丹 dān vermillion  

I would like to preface this poem as an ode to 'red' and my strained relationship with the colour as someone of mixed British-Chinese heritage. I celebrate its emotional colour spectrum of history, richness, pain and belonging and well as its value and symbolism in Chinese culture.

The poem's subject matter is one that many mixed race people will identify with: being of multiple worlds and between them at the same time, a search for belonging, battling beauty standards and acceptance. I also dedicate this poem to #StopAsianHate and #ESEASisters

丹 dān vermillion 

I wished I had dānfèngyăn, 

An empresses’ scarlet phoenix eyes,

Of dynasties palatial,

Of jìn red silks, xiá rosy skies,

and zhūshā cinnabar seals imperial.

But, the uninvited inspect my face, surmise:

It’s neither here nor there,

Features not quite traceable,

They ask , “You’re from… where?”

A curiosity insatiable.

Apologies that my physiognomy

Is not a simple spatial entity, 

I can’t be read like mere topography.

My face, my eyes, the pair,

Are signposts to two histories,

Two lands, two bloods in me. 

You ask me for a single direction, 

Táng - I will crimson in complexion,

Because of your indiscretion.

My face won’t be effaceable, 

I won’t answer your bisection.

While my younger eyes, red in despair,

Can't be like an empress,

Or a phoenix in vermillion,

My eyes now, brown and biracial,

How many years unmeasured 

See my story as un-erasable,

As one in a million,

With hóngdòushā and qiàn qípáo

I blink under these lashes: fèngyănshìbăo 

“The phoenix's eyes recognise treasure”

And know my own are irreplaceable,

I rise up from these ashes.