Daddy, Do You Know?

I think back to all the bad times we had,

I think back to all the times where I had the chance to

Embrace you, yet I did not.

You were right there, in perfect position but no matter

How much courage I tried to muster; it was never good enough.

Yet again, miserably did I fail.

Why did you let this happen, how could you let this happen?

How could you so easily become ensnared by the devil’s

Evil trap.

You were my brave and strong dad, whom nothing could ever break or beat

At least you were supposed to be,

Supposed to be my guide to how to have courage and strength in this

Truly fucked up world in which we live.

You were supposed to teach me,

Not in word but in deed, how a man who is worthy of me shall be,

A man who is brave and strong and capable of loving me and protecting my heart

For as long as we both shall live.

Where were you, when you were supposed to be that man,

When you were supposed to show me what that man will be like,

How could you let them overtake your strong and healthy heart?

You were supposed to teach and show me many things

Things that only my daddy could teach me,

That kind of love and tenderness that only belongs to a father and his daughter.

Do you know, daddy, how often I remember you, think of you?

I remember the good times, few and far between though they be,

However, they exist even if on another planet.

Do you know, daddy, that I forgive you?

Though I am still processing my healing,

Though I am still picking up the pieces of my heart,

That I gave to you before I was conceived.

Though the pain is still there, do you know,

Daddy that I forgive you?

Do you know daddy, how much I love you?