Concerning Miracles

Where have my mistakes led me?

Where will they take me?

What an adventure have I lived that

Only my secrets have known.

I think in wild thoughts like dreams

My soul and spirit abide together

Unwed lovers hiding in secret

In pain, in heat, in passion

My desire and will in cahoots

A plot to bring me to my knees

An elaborate dance, sword fighting

Choreographed to be beautiful

And deadly

I know they cannot coexist

For long.

The clanging metal rings in

My ears, they bleed from the stress.

They eat up the lies they feed themselves

And turn their noses up at the truth

Too gluttonous to stomach any more.

The insults still cut through my heart,

The hateful shouting still haunts my mind

Ghosts past, vengeful spirits lay quietly

In the back of my being, I do not know

If they want to spring out again.

I cannot see any more than a blind man

Indignant and righteous in his stubborn ways

I thirst for true redemption but

Wet my lips with distraction

Stumbling along the path of my days.

Blinding light, hurtful truth ignored and hated, even.

Scars have left me storied and beautified.

Sun spots streak across the canvas of my chest

Aging, though premature, starts to show

The immature child-girl-woman

Who once wasn’t, is not, and never will be again.

I changed. Too many times, too many

I failed to see the error of my ways

And yet all I do is doubt the decisions I

Have already made.

Suggestions like unexpected knives pierce

The muteness in my empty head.

I am much too sensitive to listen.

The figures over my shoulders

Have entirely too much to say,

And I, nothing at all.

Where have my mistakes led me?

Where will they take me now?

What can I do anymore to avoid

All this humanity welling up inside

My fragile and tired body?