Complex Regional Pain Syndrome

Complex Regional Pain Syndrome

Chronic Pain

Have you ever had to deal with pain?

Like a stiff neck, or lower back pain.

I have complex regional pain syndrome (crps for short)

It’s a result of my stroke in 2016,

Not yet to be seen or diagnosed until a few years later.

After my shoulder injury.

I’ve had chronic migraines and neck pain my whole life.

This though takes it up a notch. Or twelve.

It’s entire purpose is pain, obviously and its nerve damage.

Goes from my whole left side of my body from my neck to my toes.

With weakness, numbness and tingling.

I have a cane for my bad days.

Which feels everyday lately, I stopped taking my pain medications about six months ago.

Which, I'm telling you sucks. But I'd rather accept it than be a ghost who just lays around all day.

How far would you go? To alleviate your pain.

I ask this because I know the truth, once that shit hits.

You’re not moving.

My cousin tells me it's like a wave with pain, you have to ride it out until it breaks.

Sometimes it’s a tsunami, and can last for days, sometimes weeks, years.

I try to live with it, it’s hard.

Add some depression in there, a global pandemic, and you’ve got one fucked up day.

Or with the pandemic going over a year now.

Depression and pain, not a good combination. It's a never ending cycle.

It literally can make you seem psycho.

Trust me, depression road. That place sucks.

Sucks you into a hole, you can’t easily climb out of.

You’ll fall time and time again trying to escape.

My way to deal. Probably not the healthiest but my therapist says it’s okay “ occasionally” .

I let it wash over me and I wallow in it. Bad I know.

Block everything, everyone out. And lay in bed all day.

Like today.

It’s just, I’m hurting today. I had a migraine all night.

When this happens, never mind I will not say it. I believe in jinking one’s self. Haha

Please when I’m in pain, or anyone.

Take it easy on them.

You can’t cure them with words, advice, or “ oh i tried this and it healed me”.

Trust me on this one, some people would like to punch people with that statement.

I’ve heard it all. Trust me, nothing helps.

Just let me deal and heal the best way I know how.

Just let me rest, heal and deal.

-ej