Cold

To my Ex Best Friend,

❀

Last year you told me you’d never leave

It was snowing inside and

A wildfire was lapping at the doors

And you said you’d stay

No matter what

❀

Yesterday I checked the spot beside me

The space you used to fill

And found a hollowing kind

Of absence in your place

❀

Months ago, your kind face warped

Into one of indifference and

All I could do was watch

You were hurriedly burying your empathy

And I was trying desperately to

Wrestle the shovel from your grip

But you were more than happy

To use your bare hands

When they were covered in dirt and scratches

You used them to push me away

A shockingly unfamiliar look

Of carelessness in your eyes

❀

You used to be the softest person I knew

Soft like the soil flowers grow in

Soft like the trampoline mat

That transports me to the sky

Soft like the wings of a dove

You used to be the kind of person

Whose reassurance you could sink into

Your words and embraces were comforting

But never so much as your presence itself

❀

Somewhere along the way

You decided softness equalled weakness

Somewhere along the way you

Whittled away your compassion

And turned it into something

With sharp edges

❀

Now, you are all hard lines

Rough exterior and numb eyes

The kind of soil flowers wilt in

The kind of armour that

Suffocates rather than protects

The kind of ground bones break on

❀

You used to be the warmest person I knew

Warm as sunlight

Warm as firelight

Warm as the softest fabric

You were the kind of warmth

People crave no matter the weather

The kind of warmth that

Provides a golden glow

The kind of warmth that emanates safety

❀

Somewhere along the way warmth turned to heat

But with the temperature increasing

So slowly and gradually

I didn’t realise I was burning until

It was too late

Even then I stayed

Like you promised you would

❀

Yet now, you are cold

Cold like a winter wind that blows relentlessly

Cold like the darkest night

Cold like frozen water

How are you not shivering?

How are you not cracking apart like I am?

❀

You have turned to ice and

I wonder if that makes me

The Titanic

❀

Last year you made promises and

Months ago you broken them and

Today I am still trying

To breathe through the abandonment

❀

I am the consistency of dusk and dawn

And I refuse to resent myself for

You leaving when, despite

Your flaws and mine

I stayed by your side

Through every kind of changing weather

Even the kind that happened inside you

❀

Last year I was happy

Months ago I was broken

Today I am healing

Tomorrow I will be too

❀

From,

The one you gave up on.

❀❀❀❀❀

Please check out more of my poems:

And my poetry book Wasted Love.