code red

I tell my students that my classroom is a safe space,

a shelter,

a sanctuary,

but the lie grinds my teeth

and sticks in my throat

like stale PB&J from the lunchline.

but Truth is harsher than Fiction

and in this system

standardized tests have more security than my students

so we prepare their young minds

with lessons designed

to teach them to survive

curriculum improvised

while we teach with hands tied

in Physics

we learn

how to measure the velocity

of a round fired

from an AR-15

from 20 feet away

so they can brace for impact

in History and Economics

we read about men

with names like Remington

Winchester

Smith & Wesson

and practice calculating the amount of equity

lawmakers have secured in the nra

in Math

we teach word problems.

“if Sally is in first grade

and Billy is in seventh grade,

what is the probability

that they will survive a school shooting?”

or

“if there are 30 students in Ms. Smith’s class

and there is one active shooter

2 doors down the hall

in Mr. Jones’ room,

how long will it take the police to arrive

and take him down?”

in PE

students run sprints

instead of the mile

in hopes of being fast enough

to outrun a bullet

and in ELA

my students just wrote

their own eulogies

just in case

they are next

i tell my students

that my classroom is a safe space,

a shelter,

a sanctuary,

but the lie grinds my teeth

and sticks in my throat

like shrapnel

because the reality is that

Columbine

Virginia Tech

Sandy Hook

Parkland

Uvalde

And Nashville

tell a different story

that once upon a time,

in a land long forgotten

schools were safe,

havens of learning

edens of ideas

but the big bad wolves of Washington

huffed and puffed

about imagined infringements

until all the little children

were blown away

because the wolves were too busy banning books

instead of bullets