Child Proof Umbrella

I couldn’t get home from work quick enough

But once there I flew through the front door,

Immediate relief flowed through my veins

As I sprawled out on the lounge floor.

Both my boys come hurrying into the room

Terrified somehow that I had been hurt,

Standing looking down over me

Waiting patiently on high alert.

***

I exclaimed, in a mortifying voice

“I shouldn’t be allowed outside this abode,

I just don’t fit in this world”

As gradually my heartbeat slowed.

***

My youngest turned and left the room

Heading for the kitchen,

Turned on the kettle to make me coffee

My one and only addiction.

With coffee cup in hand

I moved slowly onto the dining room seat,

Both boys still watching me cautiously

Noticing that I was looking frazzled and beat.

***

“What happened Mum, are you okay”

My oldest child gently asked,

“I know you don’t feel like you fit in here

But you are not really an outcast”.

***

That’s where my son is wrong

As I don’t fit in here at all,

I try to pretend all is well

And I stand and walk tall.

I’m a professional in my career

In fact I’m very good at my job,

It’s the people side of things

As I don’t do very well in a mob.

***

Meanwhile as I gathering my wits about me

My children are waiting for me to explain,

I’m starting to feel a little silly now

But that’s only because I’m home again.

***

So here’s the story of what happened today

That caused me to feel that I don’t belong,

I had to attend an important meeting

Wth both of my bosses coming along.

It was a 20 minute walk from our office

And Mother Nature decided to pour down rain,

My boss handed me an umbrella

There goes my hopes of catching the train.

***

We started walking along the pavement

The rain sprinkling down on top of us,

I attempted to open up my umbrella

As both bosses managed without a fuss.

***

I tugged, I pushed, I pulled and yanked

But that umbrella, well it had me beat,

My bosses saw me struggling

And looked at me like I was incomplete.

One boss handed me his umbrella with a sigh

And promptly opened the one that gave me trouble,

My face went bright red as I started to blush

And I wanted to dissolve into a puddle.

***

Now that’s not the end right there

Oh no there’s so much more,

We were suddenly undercover

The umbrella not needed indoors.

***

I tugged, I pushed, I pulled and yanked

This umbrella refused to close,

I walked slower and slower

Behind my bosses as I didn’t want them to know.

I was just thanking my lucky stars

When the umbrella did as it was told,

Yes I couldn’t believe it myself

But I’d finally gotten that damn thing to fold.

***

Wahoo.........but hang on, no please Universe no

We are again heading outdoors and into the rain,

I’m going to need to open this umbrella

So I tugged, I pushed, I pulled and yanked once again.

***

No joy, that devil of an umbrella

Refused to play the game,

I had to follow my bosses over the road

And down the footpath in the rain.

So you guessed it,

By the time we arrive at our meeting,

I was saturated and trying to pretend

All was well while we were all greeting.

***

During that 3 hour long meeting

I silently begged until we adjourned,

That the higher power of this world

Would stop the rain when we returned.

***

That, obviously child proofed, umbrella

Was the cause of all my stress,

My feelings that I didn’t fit in

And that staying home is really for the best!

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