Butterfly of Change

There it is a beautiful butterfly that I am supposed to love and admire.

But what if sometimes I don't?

Butterflies' signals change. But when will it finally come?

When will all your hopes and dreams be fulfilled?

I used to get a warm feeling when I saw a butterfly

A warm feeling that I am loved and watched over.

Now I try to avoid it (Like the human I am).

Do not get me wrong.

Maybe you are thinking that I do not want to change. Or that I am just fearful.

But, I avoid it because I am, truthfully, impatient.

There is only so much patience that one can have.

So much love that you can give others before you run out of love.

There is only so much you can hurt that you can take.

I honestly think that I am a fool...... most of the time

A fool that still has hope.

Why?

I am still trying to figure that out.

Even though life has kicked me so many times.

I still believe.

Believe in finding my soulmate....one day...hopefully (even though its a pain to wait)

Believe in getting a job that inspires me...again... fingers crossed (even though school is destroying me)

Believe in regaining my happiness (even though I may not believe sometimes)

Having a family (in the future), helping kids, working with kids, not feel stupid 24/7

I can list thousands of thoughts that go through my head and pick apart all the negative emotions

Why?

Good question

It is because I am human that still believes

Even though I fear the butterfly

I hope that one day, I can become a better, happier, and loving person.

-Soph