Broken

I laid my head upon my pillow and my eyes shut tightly

surrounded by darkness of night, not a sound could truly harm me

yet as I lay with in the confines of my bed

in warmth and security, hoping to drift off to sleep

I felt him, he man unknown yet known

I stepped into my room I heard his footsteps upon the floor

he spoke softly with that usual voice so polite and well spoken

just a simple word at first, a simple "Hello my love."

But I remained still and silent, drifting into sleep

I could feel my body becoming more and more heavier

as though I was starting to float within the depths of my bed

but I felt the duvet over me, a safety of warmth and comfort

yet the foot of the bed either side of my feet

I felt pressure as if someone was slowly crawling over me

high and high they crawled, until I could feel his breath on my face.

A gentle kiss upon my cheek but a soft whisper within my ear

"I know your asleep yet we are both here, this is the realm between"

his words curled their way into my mind

I did not open my eyes

I did not want to know if he was truly there or not

I can smell his cologne, feel his breath upon my neck

even feel his delicate fingers move my hair from my face

his lips once more place another kiss, yet this time upon my own lips.

Am I trapped in this world of the astral realm?

Curse to love spiritual forms that I shall never meet?

I have met his form of spirit, I know him to a point

but realistically I shall never meet him in the waking state

do not tell me to have faith, do not say to be positive

for if you too felt this love and felt the astral form you too would know

the realms of astral and waking forms are cruel

for within the astral state there is nothing that can stop a spirit meeting.

And yet here he is once again, this cruel astral form of a man

so loved, so desired, but yet he is silent of those questions I may ask

I feel him once again kiss me, gently blowing air on my face

its clear he wises me to open my eyes, yet how can I?

I know if I open my eyes I will fall once again in to the trap of loving him

that is not right, when millions of miles away he is laying with another

it would be wrong to be jealous for the astral form is what it is

and astral travel can be crawl linking spirit with spirit

but I would be a fool if I said I do not want him

or that I do not feel love for him.

I feel him once again move to my ear lightly tugging at the duvet

it is clear he wishes attention from me

no amount of my ignorance will remove him

I can feel him leaning down close to my ear once again

his voice still as sweet as before "Why do you ignore me?"

however sweet his voice, there is a slight pain to it

as though my ignorance is cruel to him

but how can I continue to shared experience in the astral?

Surely it is wrong? If not, then it is truly cruel

for my heart can not bare this any longer

knowing I love him and shall never meet him within the waking state.

I feel him once again kiss my neck

and as he does so I carefully move again

I can feel tears beginning to fall from my eyes

his hand brushing them from my face

as I look up to him in this astral state

"How can we continue when we will never be?" I say still gazing at him

it is clear my words have taken him back as he moves away from me

confused by my statement, yet he does not leave

nor does he seem angry, he merely sits beside me naked looking at me.

It is clear by his own eyes that he are filled with pain

"Do you not care for me? Do you not share love like you did before?"

his voice clearly filled with more hurt than before

so much so that I can not help but look away from him

my heart shattered by sorrow and pain

"I love you but I can not have you, we are only together in the astral"

I reply slowly almost cautiously

but my words do not make him leave

instead he moves forward kissing me once again as I kiss him back

feeling his hand cupping my face while his eyes look directly at my own

"They need never know where our hearts truly lie for these is the realm where all spirits can connect truly with each other"

his voice giving confidence and comfort before once again kissing me

pushing me back on the bed, cuddling me and protecting me.

But yet that is the astral and each morning I wake alone,

the astral realm is cruel and I wish I could lock myself away from it

and cruelly for his benefit, kept away from him in the astral realms

yet I shall awaken once again

and no doubt I shall drift to the astral state once again too

I just wish the pain was not there.