Breathing Through Water
Cry; Scream; Do Whatever it Takes to Breathe Again
The room feels like it’s too bright.
The light slightly harsh.
I’m quiet, more so than normal.
I’m strong, but today feels hard.
There’s darkness lingering over my shoulders.
It’s a dark spot on my soul, just like those cartoon memes.
It’s a scratch drawing of a figure made from black ink, baring over a person.
Today’s a fight.
Something harder.
Something worse.
It feels like I’m sinking, drowning beneath the world.
Am I going to drown today?
Has it gotten to that point?
Is today the day that I’ll give up?
I raise my head, staring into the glaring light.
The room’s too bright.
The nerves shutter through my veins.
I’m going to get through this.
I just keep repeating that,
Like a sweet caress on my lips.
I just want to scream.
I want to take everything in the room and destroy it.
Amidst the blaring lights sits my coffee table,
Sitting my Christmas tree.
It’s brilliant lights, sparkling tinsel, and lovingly picked ornaments offend me.
I try to breathe.
I try to sit and stare at the tree and try to calm myself.
This darkness, this depression sitting on me is suffocating.
Tears are present, brushing against my cheeks.
Is today the day?
I take a deep breathe, even though it’s choppy.
I need to let out the tension.
So, I push the Bluetooth speaker on,
Click on my phone and cue up the angry music.
It’s just me.
I can scream my heart out of my chest.
Maybe that will ease some of the ache.
I don’t have the courage to cut out my heart myself.
I don’t have the strength to pull myself up.
I’m going to drown in my hurt and tears.
The black spot is growing,
Consuming my chest,
Making my body ache.
The song touches my core.
I belt out the words, giving my lungs a deep pull of air,
And pour my heart out into the pain of the song.
The darkness ebbs.
It stretches.
Am I going to drown?
Not yet,
I whisper.
Not today!
I cry.
Though my heart is broken,
My soul ripped in half,
I take another deep breath.
And I welcome the pain.
It’s reminding me that I’m alive.
It reminds me to fight.
It makes me breathe.
About the Creator
Alisha Wilkins
I've been writing my whole life. Writing about realms to escape in, forbidden characters to fall in love with, and using writing as my muse and refuge. Sometimes writing opens up the soul to healing, learning, and eventually to living again
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Comments (2)
We breathe on!
Oh angry music can be so therapeutic! Loved your poem!