Beneath the Bones

Beneath the bones

“She is not me” the girl in the mirror screamed at herself. Her hair, wet with sweat, she began gasping for a breath she couldn’t find. Somehow she was not real but living in reality. Embroidered to the fine silk of fantasy, one that had begun to eat away at her soul with sharpened teeth leaving behind deep gouges of doubt.

Her eyes were the color of sunshine burning brightly inside, but dead to try to see. She stared into the mirror again shaking her head at the image looking back at her only to watch in bewilderment as the head was moving the same as she. Her head filled itself with useless words that echoed back painfully nothing that was heard.

With all lay to rest

She failed the test

With all born awake

She made each mistake

Fake as the wind outside

Her hair dripped in large orange drops to the floor. She could look upon herself no more.

She was not believing any of it to be true, her hand reaching out, touching the glass, not knowing what else to do. “It must be a lie.” She cried out in a deep voice as if this would convince herself  that what she was looking at was somehow not the truth. 

  For to long a time she had pretended to be fine. Breaking both her hands inside her mind. Her eyes, which did not want to see anymore, stared down at the floor. Everything fell with the weight of a broken darkness crashing down. Her hair was in knots that she did not tie. Her eyes were filled with liquid that she could not cry. Her heart she sometimes thought was empty but it was larger than she could bear.

“Not me. It’s Not me.” 

She trembled as she spoke

This could not be real

It must be a joke

Who was this tattered thing that had wasted away

This life so broken

With so much to say

  She tried willing the streamlight to rise inside herself but weakness was strong and told her to hide as someone else. Her breath came in short gasps, her lungs would expand until they felt like they would collapse. Her arms remained at her sides uselessly as she continued to stare at the image in front of her. Everything was to broken, torn apart, sunken. Even the shadows had faded away replacing themselves with bitter things to say. There beneath her skin where she knew she couldn’t be, there was something that was moving trying to break free. The room felt like it was tilting. Her head began to pound with distant memories that offered no sound.

Her hair still dripping

The color would never be right

Her thoughts predestined to give up the fight

  Inside the far door to the left side of where she stood, another room of massive distortion. She stepped closer to it, turning the knob and pulling it open. Huge fixtures of light cast around the room giving the appearance of embroidered furniture. It made the room seem small. It offered a sense of comfort that was making her skin crawl. It felt familiar like a dusty old book. She stepped in beyond the doorway to get a closer look. On an orange velvet sofa sat a woman. She was as pale as the moon covered in sapphire beads. The woman smiled when she saw her until she realized she couldn’t even breathe.

“I don’t understand.” the words escaped from her lips. “That girl in the glass looked nothing like this” 

  She crumpled to the floor, falling on her knees. Her hands reached out before herself, digging her fingers into the wood beneath. The sounds of drums beating loudly were echoing in her ears. Raising her head slightly she realized it was the sound of her fears.

A moment passing on her next breath, made her stop to listen to what she wouldn’t see instead

The strength of the oak will astound you

It is the root of which we sit

The place in which we lay are weary bodies to rest

The time we give back when all of it has been spent

It is all that was

As it stands as it is

It will become only what we want when you have nothing left to give

Giving strength to those which have none

And to those which need not run

The great oak can breed life where no life was with patience growing tall and roots bleeding with love

It can rise the spirits to embrace your broken down soul

Giving you the strength inside to better help you know

What it is you can not see with broken hearts unwilling to bleed

Will you understand how your harshness can hurt? Will you continue to look away instead of hearing the words?

I will not let my tears fall

The pain is still inside me

I have placed my own well-being in your hands

But you don’t seem to notice me

You have put my back against the wall

All because there are some things you would rather not see

But here,

Look into the glass

Take in each image as it comes

Search inside yourself for the meaning that fills your heart with love.

  She closed her eyes, head tilted down, took a deep breath until there was no other sound. She put all her strength there beneath her feet, standing back up beside herself with eyes ready to see. She looked at the woman that lay there on the sofa un-breathing before her.

 Speaking she said  “My throat is sore from screaming, I can’t do this anymore.”